The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This may seem like a dumb question to ask, but has anyone dealt with alcoholism with more than one person in their immediate family? I dealt with my brother who was an A and a drug addict for years. He's now been clean for 4 years! :) That was very hard to deal with..but now I have my mom who's an A and it's even that much more difficult. I'm sad a lot of the time, though I try to put on a smile...I'm tired of dealing with this...I've gone to a therapist in the past to help me with my brother's drinking at the time. I didn't use Al-Anon, looking back I wish I had. But I'm glad I'm using it now. Sorry to ramble on and on, but for those of you who've dealt with this with more than 1 immediate family member, what helped you to get through each day? (other than going to meetings, reading, prayer etc). I feel as if this is dragging me down and I know that's not where I want to go, but each day its getting harder to deal with...I'm praying to my HP for help...please if you could pray for me. Thanks for listening.
Yes, I have dealt with more than one family member who suffers drugs and alcohol addictions.
Yes, It does and can drag you down when you try to deal with it alone.
Yes, I too have sought out expensive doctors to help me find ways to "cope".
Yes, The Al-anon program is your best answer.
Yes, Meetings on a regular basis face to face not only helps it works, reading too, prayers unlimited.
Yes, it does get better once I learned to seperate myself and my emotions from the addicts and alcoholics.
Yes, I will pray for you.
No, you did not ramble on...you are welcome and I'm so glad you found Alanon...what helps the most in my humble opinion is finding a sponsor to talk with, learning to do the steps and focusing on your own needs.
One of the first lessons I learned when coming to al-anon was HALT...don't allow myself to get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired. I found I wasn't on top of "my game" and learning and this is a big one...listen well my friend... The three C's ..I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it, and I couldn't cure it.
It wasn't my fault...but thank heaven there are answers and people who had walked in my shoes before me in this program called Al-anon who welcomed me in and lended an ear, a hand, a hug and a heart.
Also, yes to everything Peggy posted. In addition, it has been helpful for me to give the program time and give myself patience and kindness. I have found and continue to find better perspectives and coping skills. I have found that changing unhealthy habits to healthier ways takes time and is not a perfect process, but totally worth it.
When I'm stuck in a particularly bad spot, I try and think of it as my HP moving things around for better opportunities- and also do the next right thing (which sometimes requires tweaking).
My father was an A, then I grew up using & abusing too, went to rehab at age 39, got clean & happy. Had 21 yrs without an active A in my immediate family, then two yrs ago it turned out that my son is an alcoholic - yeah, and it's been ugly. Son is clean & sober for the past 6 wks & working a program. Appears to be his old self again but will stay that way only if he stays true to his program.
I had no power over my childhood living in an A household but this time around, in my own home and with much program under my belt, I knew what I had to do ... practice tough love with A son and detach, putting the focus on myself and my own serenity.
-- Edited by Path to Serenity on Friday 19th of April 2013 02:16:47 PM
I've dealt with it only once...my entire life. I was born and raised within the disease and it's affects on the lives of both sides of my family and I continued the traditional disease thinking, feeling and behaviors until I reached the doors of Al-Anon because my Higher Power was giving me grace and mercy from HP's compassion and empathy. This is a life time disease and I've been taught well by the same ancestors Peggy and Bud speak of. That I am a life time member of both programs reveals that I continue to be traditionally affected without the prior negative consequences. Stay the course. Keep coming back. Thanks for the post. ((((hugs))))
My grandmother. My ex-husband. My son. Maybe my daughter. At least 5 of my brothers and sisters. None sought or are seeking treatment or the help of AA or NA. I've kept my own sanity by removing myself from some of their lives, focusing on my own health as much as I can, Al Anon, therapists who are certified for alcohol/substance abuse counseling, and doing as much of what I love to do as I can. It has been a painful process for me, but it has also been a HP-led change in my family structure. No one else in my family is involved with Al-Anon but me, either. You may find as you continue recovery that there are more than 1 or 2 alcoholics or substance abusers in your family as it does affect families for generations. Isn't it good to know that you are helping to change the family dynamic for the next generation if you continue the recovery work you see that you want and need! I'm glad you have chosen recovery. It helps the rest of us continue the hard work of moving against the arrow of status quo in our families of origin.
Thank you Peggy, bud, Jerry and PathtoSerenity. Just knowing that I'm not the only one who's dealt with this disease is a huge relief!! I feel much less alone and more comforted than I have in the past week or so! You've all made a difference! Thank you so much!!!
I only have my AW in my life but believe me when I say that this is more than enough. Like you this board.. alanon.. has made me to understand that I am not alone. That has made a huge difference to me. I never knew just how sick I was until I saw what sanity looked like as reflected in the posts of those who are recovering. Changing the way you think and act from insane to sane is not easy but well worth the effort. Change the focus from dealing with them to truly dealing with yourself. It is your recovery and not theirs. They may never recover but you can.
Alcoholism doesn't run through my family... it scrolls through it slowly and gets to know everyone on a very personal basis!
Yes, unfortunately I have had to deal with the alcoholism of several people, sometimes all at once, other tiimes with a short breather between them.
It is tough, I know this. However, I have found that learning how to detach with LOVE and living one day at a time, practicing the three C's, (I didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it) and measuring how much interaction I will have with them, for how long helps me so I don't start drowning in the disease of alcoholism with them.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Yes. An ex-husband and my older sister. Each came with different challenges and completely different feelings. I wouldn't wish having to learn about/deal with alcoholism on anyone once....let alone twice!
All we can do is take care of ourselves and make sure we maintain our personal boundaries of what we can and can't handle on any given day....or minute.
