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My father has had an alcohol problem since I was young. I'm now 28 and he has just served a 4 month sentence for having 3 DUI's. He had an affair with a woman and caused a divorce that was rough when I was a teenager. He lives at his mother's house with his girlfriend (the one he cheated on). He doesn't have a job and he stands outside in very little clothing. He's borrowed money from me and never paid me back. He now has an ankle bracelet and can't leave the house for 2 years. So what did he do the other day? He drove to the grocery store and then stood outside with little on. As for drinking, I have no idea. He called me 4 times today at work. I had to block his number because I am so tired of dealing with this. I just had an awesome vacation visiting his sister and their family in Florida. We did not talk about him once. He also has another sister that lives up near where I am that had to pick him up from court. I felt bad for her that she had to deal with that while I was gone. The entire family has turned against him and I'm about ready to just shut him out of my life. I have so much to live for and want to do and evertime he's brought up or interferes in my life, it makes me mad and kind of ruins my day because I think about what he's doing. So with all that said, and I know it's my choice, what do you think I should do with this situation? I've contemplated attending an Al-Anon meeting to explain my story and look for support as well and this situation today may have pushed me to do this. Thanks for taking time to read this and any advice would be greatly appreciated! Have a good one!
Welcome, I'm so glad you are in the right place. As another mentioned we are each here for the same reason. From the sounds of your post you've suffered easily for more then 15 years. It's not surprising that improper dress, improper work, improper living conditions for a grown man, improper phone calls along with improper sexual behaviors in a marriage not to mention improper requests for money have taken place. Everything you've mentioned are behaviors of alcoholics and or addicts. Those without recovery go unchecked and continue and worsen and jail time, mental along with physical health issues are all among run of the mill then comes death.
As a grown adult you have rights to set healthy boundaries to learn what is called enabling and ways to end them for both your sake and his.
I found that by the time I began having these life experiences was the time I realized this "thing called alcoholism" was way bigger then I was. I had an option...to seek help by finding out options and boundaries for my own sanity, safety, financial security in face to face meetings called Al-anon or allow another X amount of days, years, dollars slip by ...I knew I didn't want to have my same story to tell 5 years from now.
Please keep coming back, know you didn't cause it, you can't control it another person,any more then you can cure it.
-- Edited by Peggy7 on Friday 19th of April 2013 03:12:27 PM
Hello, your in the right place. Everyone on this forum has been affected by alcoholism. I'm sorry your dad's drinking is affecting you. Alanon face to face meetings have helped me think and live differently. I'm in a much better place today. I would recommend it. Take care.
For some, healthy detachment only occurs with cutting someone off. Others can achieve serenity and have boundaries that allow some ongoing relationship with the alcoholic. Only you know where your relationship with your dad falls on this spectrum. Alanon will be a place of support while you determine this.
Thanks peggy and pinkchip! I got a text from my aunt in Florida today saying that he called wanting my number for a ride. She didn't give it to him because she's just as mad with him as I am. So I hope that he understands that I'm avoiding him. I'm also dreading that he actually stops by and confronts me. I don't think he will but you never know. I know he went through a program in jail for detox and I hoped that it might help but apparently not. I don't know what he needs a ride for and I don't care at this point. The last time I drove him was when he "admitted" himself into a rehab facility (because the police officer that pulled him over gave him the option of rehab or jail...gee I wonder which one to take) and he wanted to stop at the corner store. What did he buy? Beer. Right there, I was done with him. I just feel bad for my grandmother who has to come home to this when she gets back from Florida. She is selling her house in the Fall and splitting time living with both her daughters, which is for the best. He's just a nightmare and I don't want to have any contact with him. The months he was away in jail were the best months I'd had in a while, and I want to keep it like that. Thanks for all the support and help with this problem! I hope that I can help others one day as well.
So as a quick update to this, I e-mailed him this weekend that I don't want to talk to him until I'm ready to. I explained that every time he called or e-mailed me that it upset me and I just some time. Of course he replied and said that he was confused by the e-mail and I guess kinda blamed me or people around me for our lack of relationship. He does this thing where he capitalizes SON and always asks questions like, "Do you want a relationship SON?" and it just drives me crazy. I just love how he blames everyone else but himself. I explained that the whole family is tired of him and he just brushed it off and said I'm moving towards the future, not even apologizing for anything he's done for the last 10 years. So I read it and I don't plan on talking to him for a long time. Eventually, I will go to an Al-Anon meeting because even though he's not drinking now, allegedly because he has an ankle bracelet for 3 years and random testing done for traces of alcohol so he'd be stupid to do that, I think I'd enjoy listening to others and sharing my story.
