The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aren't they? I mean, before you know how much danger they foretell, red flags are just waving in the wind, fluttering in the breeze, ignored because we are so used to seeing things like that, that we don't really focus on what they are trying to tell us. We don't REALLY understand the warnings because we haven't been bit by that particular red flag before.
There were, of course, red flags with my ex-A; fluttering on the sidelines, in my perpheral vision but not focused on because of the charm designed to keep me from focusing on them. (and my own naivete/ignorance).
Ha, talk about a rose-colored world, my world is so much redder now that I see so many of the red flags, not just in potential relationships, but everywhere, where did they all come from? oh yeah, they've been there all along, just waving and waiting to be seen. Like flaggers steering the traffic clear of construction pitfalls, we pay attention to THOSE flags because we KNOW what they are warning us of. (I wish there were flaggers around dead skunks!). But until we experience it, we don't know to watch out for it.
We know to watch out for rattlesnakes though, we've seen enough movies and tv where the scary sound is heard before the viper is seen and how quickly they strike if el stupido doesn't leave said viper alone. Maybe red flags would mean more to us if they hit us over the head instead of just fluttering in the wind?
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Hi LMH, Thanks for this, it is a great image to keep in mind - I know to walk away when I see a snake! Hope I'm still allowed to enjoy the roses though
LOL .. you got me thinking about the two ex's .. the first one the red flags were so big they were the size of bed spreads and I still choose to ignore them. Now the second STBAX .. those were easier to rationalize away so they were more orange, yellowish in color and THEN they became the size of bed spreads. I kind of felt like one of those matadores (sp?) with the bull only I apprenatly was the bull eyeing them going this looks like a good idea, .. I've got this .. noooo .. I didn't and I allowed myself to be slaughtered on many different levels .. willingly because there seemed to be no other choice. Thank you Alanon for showing me choices and that whole if someone shows you who they are .. believe them.
I love the rattle snake analogy though!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Considering our neighbor's dog was just bit by a rattlesnake and our other neighbors found one in their backyard, I have to say that I love this analogy. I also find it interesting that my AH's nickname when he played rugby was "Jake the Snake". Hmmm, maybe that was red flag number 1 that I chose to ignore? I feel like that's all I see right now, red flags, red flags, etc and I've become so sensitive to them that I've forgotten how to relax and just have fun. I have to work very hard at finding balance these days and being able to see all the good and the bad in situations, people, places, etc.
I think I just was so naive that I didn't want to notice the red flags. Someone at a meeting last night said that she was an ostrich with her head buried in the sand and that when she started in program, her one eye popped up out of the sand, and then it was all over. She knew and started to have awareness and that's where he real journey began. Boy, I can totally relate to that!
Wow, your thought process on this really resonated with me. I never thought to think of it like that. What an awakening moment I just had. And such a simple thing to think of. You are so right, its like a big huge warning sign that for some reason I was choosing to ignore and I knew better all along. Wow is all I can say right now. Its amazing how, since leaving my ex, I am seeing all the red flags, even things not related to him. Its like my eyes have been opened up. I am so glad for it and this analogy just made it even more clear.
Red flags for danger. I was actually attracted by the red flag. The cool, rebellious boy I thought he was. Everyone else saw them but you are so right they were fluttering in the wind and I looked the other way. The red flag turned into great big in your face warning signs but I was in denial. Why does this happen? What goes on in our brain when in denial? I've awakened now. Thank you God. Thanks for sharing,x
