The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my husband had to pull an nighter at work. After the kids were asleep I watched Iyanla Vanzant fix my life with rapper DMX. I could see his disease of addiction all over him. The way his eye's would roll when talking, the tears of how everyone hurt him, the anger and no room for love in his soul. It was heartbreaking. Iyanla talked to his wife and said to her "There had to be an existing pain that made that level of existence ok for you." How true is that statement. If you are broken down inside, you will only continue to hurt yourself if you don't become right within yourself. They then went on to DMX's son. The son is obviously mad at his Dad for all the "ism's" that addiction brings and when they had a face to face talk it did not go over very well. At the end his son told his father he wanted a clean relationship with him. DMX replied, " That's not fair, I give you unconditional love all the time and you won't give it to me? It will never happen if it's not unconditional love, guess I will see you at my funeral." I felt so sad for his son. That brought me back to all the ways addicts manipulate us...Spin stuff around so we are they bad guys, make us feel guilty for wanting them better. What an eye opener for me. You can't force other people (even the ones we love with every bone in out body) to do something they can't. However, we have to be able to accept there decision even if we don't agree. Love to my MIP family and enjoy your day.
You can't force other people (even the ones we love with every bone in out body) to do something they can't. However, we have to be able to accept there decisioneven if we don't agree. Love to my MIP family and enjoy your day.
Dear 1976love Thank you so very much for your powerful message.
I loved the above quote as it says it all. Acceptance is the key
I trapped the statement as written from Hotrod's response and want to suggest that it be altered a bit just from my past sponsor's training. See how the meaning of the statement changes when you change the word "can't to won't".
When I used "can't" he told me, I was backing away from the responsibility to try different behaviors and was being irresponsible to what needed changing. When I used I won'tit was choosing to remain the person I was at that time.
You can't force other people (even the ones we love with every bone in out body) to do something they can't. However, we have to be able to accept there decisioneven if we don't agree. Love to my MIP family and enjoy your day.
Alcoholics and addicts are successful blamers and manipulators because of the enabling help they get from others who also believe they "Can't" change their responses to the disease. When I believed I couldn't...I didn't. The rooms of Al-Anon and all of it's assets and my HP showed that I would change when I worked the program.
I didn't get to see the show and I've just recently been able to see Iyanla speak. She's comforting.
