It was 1998.  I had been sober myself for almost 10 years.  I called my AA sponsor one morning.  My agf was missing in action again.  I told him I called all the hospitals, the city and county jails, drove around in the early morning hours, checking her "spots" where she might be, looking for her car, I had not slept all night.  That morning I searched the apartment, looked under the mattress, in all the cabinets, in the laundry room, around the outside of our place ect.  I even found "evidence".  A few bottles, some with alcohol still in them, others that were empty stashed all over the place!  I was caught between being raging mad, and breaking down with tears of hurt and disappointment.  We had been together for 2 years and I had been through this with her a number of times, and each time, it was the same ol' same ol'.... she drank and got drunk, and I went nuts! 

This man had been my sponsor for 9 years.  He watched me struggle in my early efforts of recovery, and was always there when I came back into the rooms beaten down by this disease.  He was a elder.  Kinda like the dad I never had.  Just a kind, compassionate, caring man that didn't speak a lot, but when he did, he shared a story of what it use to be like, what happened, and what its like now... always ending it on a healthy note of Hope.  

On the phone, hearing how broken I was, he simply said, "I'll be there in a few minutes, we'll go to a noon meeting together".  He showed up and the first thing he did was give me a hug and with hands on my shoulders, he gave me that darn stupid smile I thought they learned in sponsorship school... and said, "C'on, let's go get some recovery".  I was choked up, just a few silent tears came to my eye lids, and I fought them back. 

We got into his car.  He didn't say much of anything.  Turned on some good ol' classic rock n' roll and within minutes we were in front of a building I had not been to a meeting at before.  I asked him, "they hold meetings here? I never saw it listed in the AA meeting directory."  He gave me that stupid smile again, and said, "John, AA saved your life, here we are going to try to help save your sanity.  It's a Al-Anon meeting".  I had heard of Al-Anon, but I had never been to one of "their" meetings.  Really I thought it was just a bunch of woman, sitting around bashing their alcoholic husbands and feeling sorry for themselves.  He said, "just go in there, sit down, and listen to what is being said with a open mind."

I was actually amazed as I walked through the door.  There were men there!  One was chairing the darn meeting!  Some pretty ladies too! I heard a good number of people share, and none of them talked about the alcoholic in their lifes, if they did, it was in passing, not stuck on it.  They talked about themselves, their own defects, their own struggles, their own recoveries.  I heard a woman share about being obsessed with fixin' everything and everyone, I heard another woman share about not being able to make final decisions because she was always second guessing the decisions she'd made, I heard a man share about learning how to not enable, and not stand in the way of someone hitting their bottom by being a safety net they could always land on... he even said, "I finally realized I was actually doing more to help keep her drunk, then helping her get sober and didn't realize it, I was standing in the way of the bottom she needed to hit".

One young woman, who was obviously in a lot's of emotional pain, sat across the room from me and just cried the whole meeting.  I could feel her pain, for it was mine.  I knew where those tears were coming from; the heart, a broken, battered heart.  Sitting there, listening and seeing her, it was all I could do to keep the lump in my throat in check.  I felt like I was on the verge of busting out in tears so loud that they'd have to stop the meeting.  

Towards the end of the meeting, they asked if I would like to introduce myself and share.  I mumbled something, like I'm just going to listen today, and they went on with ending the meeting.

As everyone was putting up their chairs a few people approached me.  They had the aducity to ask me a few questions! As I spoke, the lump in my throat busted, and I broke down, cried and told them I felt like I was dying inside, the lady I loved was an alcoholic and had been gone all night.

Then this little ol' lady, in the softest voice I have probably ever heard said to me... "Welcome Home, we've been here waiting on you."  She leaned forward to offer me a hug and I grabbed her like a life line, and we just stood there hugging, me crying and her saying, "it'll get better, when you get better, I promise".  You are here now... things will be okay".

I left that meeting knowing I belonged there, knowing these people had a solution that would work for me, knowing that something of a spiritual nature had taken place that day...

I started attending Al-Anon meetings regularly along with my AA meetings.  My sponsor would be at some of the Al-Anon meetings I went to, sitting there with that stupid smile on his face...

I miss him... he sponsored me for 11 years and then passed away leaving me in your care and in the care of my Higher Power.

The lil' old lady that I grabbed that day, calls me her favorite cry baby... with that same spark in her eyes, and smile on her face that my sponsor always had.

John