The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Your recovery looks great Blondie. I remember that hit by a train feeling too. I surrendered and I'm grateful because it's been up up since. I met my ex a by chance the other day and I can see him for who he is, in a compassionate way for the first time. His illness is so clear yet I lived 20 yrs without seeing the truth. I was as sick as him because I joined in with the stinking thinking, I was riding right beside him. Now though I feel like we are chalk and cheese. He is still in his full poor me pity party mode. Don't get me wrong I can certainly pop into that party from time to time but I can't stay for too long these days because I hear myself whine and I think alanon, read and like magic I am back. Thanks for sharing.x
-- Edited by el-cee on Thursday 11th of April 2013 08:07:51 PM
I'm enjoying some time to myself today...was able to work from home in my PJ's and got dressed just long enough to go to a lunchtime AlAnon meeting. It was a good one - there was an older couple there who were newcomers. They look like they had been hit by a train. Lordy, do I remember looking and feeling that way as well when I staggered into my first meeting a little over three years ago.
The newbie husband asked if there was anything they could do or say to help their AS. Don't we ALL remember asking that question??? They wanted to know how to talk to him, what things they should or shouldn't do for him to make him better. Brought back some nasty memories for me for sure, but also was so very grateful that I'm working on climbing out of the hole of insanity and can see the sun shining above me. They were at least smiling by the end of the meeting. One of our AlAnon sisters said to them that "it will only get better from here." You could hear their sighs of relief.
These days, the happy times are starting to outweigh the hard times. I'm not a sobbing, hot mess from sunup to sundown anymore. Been having some difficult conversations with my STBXAH but given the things we're discussing (divorce, him coming to get his things, money, etc), the talks are civil and respectful.
But I do have to say it is entertaining seeing his wet brain still in action. Not in a "funny ha ha" sort of way, but just in a wiser, more observant way. Working this program has helped me to watch without judgment. I'm having fun putting my new tools into action, if that makes sense. Hopefully I'll have the signed divorce papers in my hot little hands by next weekend.
I had an interview for a promotion yesterday and I think it went well. I should know something by tomorrow at the latest, since my boss is taking 2 1/2 weeks off for an extended vacation. Would mean a little more $$$ in the bank, which would be greatly appreciated right now. I'm planning my own short getaway to the Florida panhandle for my half-sister's wedding at the beginning of May. It will be hard...our dad was still alive at my wedding in 2008, but he passed just before my half-brother's wedding in the summer of 2009. I think my bro and sis are going to do the father-daughter dance together and there will be a shortage of Kleenex for sure! But I'm excited to see my "east of the Pecos" family and parking my butt in the sand with a refreshing, umbrella-clad beverage for a little while.
Don't know about you all, but I'm looking forward to a good weekend. The weather here has finally calmed down after that freak spring snowstorm and I think I'll get ready to plant flowers and the vegetable garden with my family, who is coming to help me assess the landscaping needs at my little house. Can't wait to have the flowers blooming again, the tomatoes and the bell peppers and the jalapenos and the onions for my salsa garden. The herbs that I can put in salads and on freshly grilled steaks, dining on the deck with some good music and good friends and family.
Here's to a blessed and peaceful weekend for all our MIP brothers and sisters!
Your serenity comes thru loud and strong in your postings. Seems hard to believe you are now in such a good place. Your testimony is a shinning example of what AlAnon can do, if you work it. BTW, I use the expression My Hair Was On Fire when I entered the Alanon rooms. And boy, was I mad when after telling my sob story, they would not tell me what to do, just keep comming back LOL!
Love your post. Sounds like a grounded person and I know you fought for that ability to live life on life's terms. Your STBXAH has like no ability to live life on lifes terms now. He still has to cling to other people and coping with even the smallest challenges is a big ordeal for him. You are right...It is funny, but not haha funny. More like, pitiful funny if that makes sense. When you focus a second on the level at which you are "ABLE" to live life versus what the alcoholic/addict is "ABLE" to live....It can make you feel pretty grateful. They (your STXAH) is still scrambling around all needy and half-witted. That's not cool or fun.
So while it sounds like this response is about him....it's not. It's about you always being the one who could handle life and now that you are not together, it's more apparent how functional you are in comparison right?
need some emergency first aide. out here on the island of santorini and having to deal with a dry drunk husband who goes up and down with the wind. help!
hope someone is up early enough to chat I am also sort of stuck, no meetings, been reading and emailing sponsor but really need some advice. Everything I do or say gets criticized and I am at my wits end. ruining this beautiful place and I have to hold my tongue when he is so out of it. really hard and not fun
