The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok. I am almost new to this site..have been coming faithfully for over a month. But my demons are starting to kick in. All part of my dysfunction. Am I ok? Am I offending anyone. Are people starting to not like me. When I log on in the middle of the day and someone logs off as soon as my name appears, is it because they are trying to avoid me? I hate this insecurity that my AM literally beat into me. How do I get past it. I feel like I want to ask if I have offended any of you. Get it out in the open and try to resolve it. But probably you have no idea what I am talking about. Is it that ego thing? I am perceiving something because I feel that people are so focused on me. I feel very ashamed because I am just not sure.
I am so happy to be part of this program. And I am working so hard to do all the work. And right now I am very alone. I have gone from a family to a single mom is just a short time. I find much peace in this room and in my f2f meetings and my scriptures.
I am also being too exuberant, I think. I try to just sit back and listen, but eventually find myself giving "helpful information" to newbies who come into the room. I am trying hard to not do this. Do you all think I am a nosy butt in ski person ? I am so happy to find all this great stuff , that I actually feel panic if I don't see them "connect". What if someone had not reached out to me that first time ? Where would I be now? I know it is probability still part of the unhealthy stuff and I promise I will work on it.
Please if I have bothered anyone, let me know. And please be patient with me,I am growing everyday. I am growing to care about all of you and this room. And so now I am so afraid I will lose you all somehow. That is from my childhood and my AM. It is good to feel something for someone, but very scary as well.Thank you. Done..
Hi, No, you have never offended me. Put yourself at ease. I don't even notice who else is in the room. Be gentle with yourself. All of this is step 4 for you... awareness. Know that it is there and that you want it to go away. It will. Keep going to meetings and learning and working the steps.
Hey, I can relate to your post - you put into words thoughts I've always had but never really realized it. Deep down I knew my insecurity was there, but I never put it into words like you did. Thanks for sharing. No, you haven't offended me at all. Like MaryJane I never notice who is logged on and who isn't. Take care :)
After 9 years of recovery behind me, I still have those voices come up and they may for many years and it is ok. I have learned to befriend them as they are alerting me that there is somewhere I am not giving me the loving voices I need or doing loving things for me. Yes, they do whack me out still but not for very long thanks to the al anon tools. Be patient with your process and ask your HP to show you the wisdom you need and blanket the thoughts, feelings, etc with Grace..and enjoy the ride! Your honesty, awareness and insights into you are wonderful in your post.
The world does not revolve around you. :) Most people make all of their life decisions without using you as a factor.
I've had to repeat this to myself many times - I used to be super sensitive to other people's behaviors around me - so sensitive that I was convinced that if they were in a bad mood, it must have had something to do with me. I was apparently the center of everyone's universe the moment I entered the room. Or so I thought.
Thankfully, Al-Anon has reassured me that everyone is really living in their own worlds and that 99.99% of the time, if someone has a bad attitude around me, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me.
This is a breath of fresh air, by the way. Knowing that I'm not responsible for other people's actions and moods!
I think when our family of origin is highly unstable and "dangerous" (emotionally or physically), we learn to be on high alert all the time. I don't have those worries online but I do have situations where I am always scanning the group for certain kinds of negative reactions. If I find them, I go into hyper-reactive mode. Like the people there probably don't even know what signals they seem to be sending out, but I'm reading huge amounts into them and it takes a long time before I can stop panicking and sit down and reason with myself. I worked on this in therapy some and it's much better, but I always have to be aware that I have the tendency. One thing I did with my therapist was to check out reality: "If they do this, can I assume that it means...?" (Usually the answer was "No.") She helped me understand that I was reading danger into a lot of things that weren't danger at all. It's a stressful way to live.
About this site, I didn't even know you could tell who was online. And sometimes I leave the tab on and do other work and forget it's on, and then I finally realize that I'm still technically on the site, when actually I haven't looked at the page in half an hour. So my logging off probably signals, "Mattie realized she has to get off her duff and get off the internet and start housework, and is signing off a whole bunch of sites at once."
I can totally sympthize with that idea that everyone is looking and judging, though. I am reminded of that thing about F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real.
Hi there, and welcome to MIP... you certainly haven't offended me in any way, shape, or form.... I think I'll let "Al-Anon" say it best, as this is part of a standard meeting closing at many Al-Anon meetings.....
We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth in our hearts we have for you. After awhile you will discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way, the way that we already love you.
Glad you are here
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I can relate to your share and I used to be on high alert and think everytime someone did or said something it was because I had done something wrong. It was from my background, but al-anon can help with that. I no longer worry about what people are thinking about me. I know I am working hard to be the best me possible and truly if it isn't good enough for them, they lose out on a great friend. I didn't use to feel this secure in myself at all. 2 years of al-anon and I am such a different person. Keep coming back, make it to face to face meetings, get a sponsor and read al-anon literature as much as you can and do the work, you are worth it! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
