The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After the wretched weekend I had recently (and thank you all again, for all your ESH on all of THAT), I am fighting hard for my serenity. The writing was definitely on the wall after my AH's last escapade. Now, as I formulate my exit strategy, my AH is in the midst of a lot of uncertainty. His union is preparing to strike. He is facing layoffs at his job, regardless of a strike. AND, this is a job he really, really hates. He misses what he used to do, and he is in the process of arranging his professional life to leave his current job if/when the strike starts or he gets laid off. In some ways, this has been good for him. He has allowed himself to be consumed with hopelessness, bitterness, and anger about working at a job he doesn't like (because seriously...he is the ONLY PERSON in the world who hates his job). The prospect of going back to his prior career has him excited for the time being, and for better or worse, from an intellectual standpoint he is interested in the labor dynamics associated with the upcoming strike. He is learning a lot, and he likes being a leader in his union to help his union brothers and sisters understand the implications of what is going on. His change in attitude about his job has bled over into his attitude in general, and he has largely been much easier to be around (thank GOD, because our son has been very sick with the flu so we have seen a lot more of each other this week than is typical).
I have grown accustomed to all the uncertainty in what he does for a living. I am used to the fact that one day we will hear one thing, and the next day, something totally different. I am not letting all the uncertainties we are facing in the next 90 days or so bring me down, nor am I allowing it to dictate 100% what my exit strategy is. I have a few different contingency plans in place, and am prepared to act regardless of how things shake out with my AH's job and job prospects. I am turning him and this job drama over to my HP, and focusing on myself. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of hearing him complain about his job, anyway. After all, during my last law firm job, whenever I would express dissatisfaction or frustration with anything, he would poo-poo it and tel me I should just be glad to HAVE a job at all. Of course, if I were to say that to him, all hell would break loose. So...I'm listening when he talks about it, but keepign the whole thing at arm's length.
Ugh, I know what you are saying. My hubby retired when he was way too young thinking he would get into a new career using what he learned in the last career. Well, it was the egomania of an alcoholic. I was working at the time so I could just concentrate on my own day. I learned a lot about saying nothing or "oh?", "and?" and let it go with whatever he wanted to say and not get involved in the conversation.
I've spent a lifetime of keeping AH's job issues at arms length. If he had his way, we'd be living in Montana on a 20 acre piece of property completely removed from civilization. No idea how we'd support ourselves but hey, at least he has HIS dream. It's certainly NOT MINE. Honestly, I don't think he really thinks about what I ever really want, we are truly diametrically opposed people, LOL!
I hope things work out, Steph, and I will pray that HP guides you through this transition, whatever that may entail.
Sounds like you are proceeding cautiously, wisely and using the al anon tools to find your serenity...and we can despite the chaos around us. I have a saying that "God Came in and Messed Up My Hair". When my hair gets messed up, the messy hair (chaos) has been created because there is something marvelous awaiting that is not yet in my view. I really do hold the Let Go and Let God very close to me. I wish you the best.
Keep praying and keep an open mind to what HP has in store for you. You never know you might just be in for a healthy dose of WOW .. door #2 that was so not what I expected. You do the footwork and HP will show up and show off.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
