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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Trying hard to mind my own business
Post Info TOPIC: Trying hard to mind my own business
KSwiss


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Trying hard to mind my own business
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Last night while I was at my AlAnon meeting, my 14 yr. old blew up at my AH, his Dad over something stupid like laundry. My AH had to take a drive to cool down. My son told me that he was angry at his Dad for abandoning him while drinking in the past ( he has been sober since August but has no program). I told my son he needs to tell him how he feels. He said he is scared to. I said you have to try to work up to it. Then I come down and my husband wants to know what's going on with my son. I said he is angry, did u talk to him? I said u need to. I have played the go between my AH and sons throughout the years and I don't want to do that anymore! It is their relationship, they have to figure it out. Then I come down this morning and my AH questions me on what's wrong we me and my son. I said there is nothing wrong with me and u need to talk to your son. He says he is going to ignore us both? Really?! How old are you? 2 years old. Struggling with this but minding my own business, just frustrating, thanks for letting me vent friends. Have a good day xoxox

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Kelly S
ilovedogs


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Hi Kelly, I have similar issues with my AH and my 14 year old son. I find that I get caught in the middle and I want out, quite frankly. My son is afraid to confront his dad and I don't blame him. My AH has been known to have a short fuse and my son has said that 'dad doesn't listen and he just goes on and on'. Yeah, that's kind of why I don't talk to him sometimes, too, so I get it.

My AH constantly accuses me of coddling the boy where I feel I probably was trying to protect him from his father and the emotional abuse. My AH is currently sober but not working a program either. I think it's been about 5 weeks right now. My AH has also pulled the 'I'm not talking to either of you crap' too. I recently confronted him with this and he really has no defense, it's just him being passive aggressive as usual. Vent away! That's what we're here for, LOL! Just know that you are not alone.
Hugs, Bonnie

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Struggling to find me......
KSwiss


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Thanks Bonnie that really helps

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Kelly S
hotrod


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Dear Kelly

 
I am so sorry that this chaos is unfolding in your home it is evident that everyone in the alcoholic home needs a program of recovery It would be helpful if your son would attend ala teen. Here he would learn to validate his needs and confront without blame. Ala teen face to face meetings are in most communities and here is a ink for on line safe ala teen meetings.
WSO approved meeting place for teens living with alcoholism

http://chat.alateen.net teens will have to register and ip addy is checked

 
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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
maryjane


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You are sooooo not alone with this. I was the in-between person for many years until I had a lecture with myself that their relationship is their relationship. I have my own. Not only is it with the kids when they are little, but as they grow up there are son (and daughter) in laws too. And then grandkids. I really had to do work in separating my relationship with the AH relationship with them. I won't say it always was a good time. I got a lot of resistence from the AH for this. Try real hard to stay consistent.

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maryjane
1976love


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TOTALLY NOT ALONE. my son is 15 and his realtionship with his father is the same way. Yesterday my husband who has been sober for about 95 days asked if I noticed if our son yawns alot when we talk. I said no...My AH was wondering if maybe it's a way he reacts to him as in being nervous kinda of like what a dog does when they are nervous. I goggled it and sure enough it is a sign of anxiety. My son never yawns when he talks to me...makes you go hmmm...

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Pushka


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It's hard not to get in the middle especially when I know there is no communication going on and I want to talk to STBAX about what's going on with the kids. Pretty much he has zero contact with them during the week and at this point he does show up and get them for visitation, .. that is it though. Even at STBAX's mom's house he doesn't interact with them that much he just sits in his chair or if he's outside he's doing his own thing not talking to them.

It's only been in the past 2 weeks he's started asking questions about school to my eldest, the youngest .. I don't think he talks much about school in the least.

Anyway, hard not to get in the middle when I have always been the emotional connection between the 3 of them.

Hugs P :)

PS - I had to giggle about the whole are you 2 comment .. minie is usually what are you 13?!

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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