Its been a while since I posted anything.  Mainly been really busy with the kids and working.  Life just keeps going and there is so much going on.  When I was married to my AH I always felt like a single parent, did everything myself, got little help from him.  They are not his kids, but still he was a part of our daily lives when he was not traveling for his work.  Now, living with 4 teenagers by myself, I really am a single parent and it is more work than I remember from before.  I think its the aloneness starting to set in more.  I am still doing well but I am starting to feel more the effects of divorcing than maybe the alcoholism now.  I have not heard from him in quite some time.  I threatened him with a restraining order in the last email and there has not been one single word since, not a phone call, not an email.  I am grateful for that, just seems odd. So the crazy making of the alcoholism has stopped its hold on my life. 

Our divorce will be final next Monday and I guess a part of me had thought he would wake up before that day hit, realize the really big mistake he was making and want to stop all of this stupidity.  That he would realize what an idiot he was being, that throwing away the lives of 5 people that loved him was such a foolish thing to do.  Guess not. 

So, I am feeling the emptiness a bit more these days.  I am relieved that there is no more fighting.  I am relieved that my children are happier, that I am happier.  Easter was amazing.  My kids and I had one of the best holidays we have had in years.  My oldest turned 18 on Saturday and we had a family party during the day with my side of the family at local yacht club my sister belongs to. Ate lots of good food, celebrated for several hours, laughing and joking.  Doing things that 6 months ago we would not have done.  Then we went home and he had 20 teenagers over and had a bonfire.  Again, the food was over flowing, teens running crazing and being silly.  They laughed and joked.  My other kids took off for the night and they just hung out.  He would not have had that kind of party if my ex had been around.  He would never have allowed it.  They would have been too loud for him.  Sunday, we cleaned the yard and enjoyed the sunshine.  Hung out together and spent a wonderful time just being.  What an amazing way to just spend our own rebirth together.  It was a reminder to me of why I left him.  Especially since I have been having a hard time being single lately.  I am having a lot of loneliness and learning how to live with that. 

Sorry for the ramble, just helps me to remember that while I am still hurting, there are sure some good things going on in my life.  I know that thing will get easier.  Its like I tell my sis when she complains about the baby weight, it took 9 months to get there, it won't go away over night.  He hurt me for 10 years, its gonna take more than 5 months for this pain to go away.  I sure just wish it would hurry up.