The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
over the last 18 months i've been living totally seperately from my husband. went for months without even seeing him. i did talk to him each day. however i avoided seeing him, as his behavior was competely unacceptable to me. he was using and drinking excessively.
my heart always wished he'd get help and i'd support him if he did. he's completed 45 days of inpatient treatment and is about to come home (with me) to complete with intensive outpatient treatment.
right now i am beating myself up with shame and possibly regret. over the last 18 months, i did my best to live my life one day, accepting that he was doing his thing and that was just the way things are.
i wasn't true to our marriage. i dated. now i am regretting it. it's like ghosts haunting me. i worry that if he finds out (he may already know) it will crush him.
i want to forgive myself so i can live in the present.
You can't beat yourself up over past decisions. You did the best you could with the information you had and with the feelings you were feeling at the time. Your husband's behavior sound like it wasn't behavior of someone trying to work on their marriage, his addiction was in charge. So out of 18 months you want to blame yourself for the 16 months and 15 days things that you did things that were best for you and feel bad about the now 45 days he's been good. I am currently seperated from my AH too and he is going on 6 months of sobriety and we still are having issues that I am trying to deal with/figure out. Your road with him is just beginning and he has a LONG way to go to regain your trust and secure his sobriety. Don't live in the past, live in the now, let good days be good and don't beat yourself up for the bad ones. Much support your way. ts
Agreeing with Trudy. You can't go back and change the past. If there is shame involved, I find that I have to lift it up to my HP and ask him what I need to work on. The only thing you can do is make today a good day and keep working your steps. I find that working the steps gives me great peace and helps me work through things much better, even if they aren't related to my Al Anon recovery.
I believe that you have already worked 4,5,6th Step on this Issue Now, as has been suggested, forgive yourself and work the 7th step. Ask HP To lift the pain It does work, Move on to 8th step and put yourself at the top of the list as the person you have hurt the most and continue You will find relief.
