The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter has been drinking all afternoon and evening with her Stepmother, and posting tweets and instagram photos about how drunk they are. Then she DROVE her stepmother 3 miles to get home, and called me from their driveway and asked/begged me to let her come over here to my place to sleep. I answered the phone, expecting her not to be drunk because her texts up to that point had been mostly coherent (I hadn't checked Twitter at that point). When I realized she was drunk, I tried to talk her into sleeping at her Dad's house, and told her please not to drive to my place (5 miles). She was not belligerent this time, which was good. I tried to keep the conversation as calm as I could. As luck would have it, the battery died in the car she was driving, and I believe her Dad came out and told her to come into their house. I am hoping that's what happened. She hung up. I didn't call back. I was tempted to call my ex-AH's phone directly to make sure that's what happened. But after reading these boards and going to some local meetings, I think I am getting the hang of detaching with love - or not freaking the hell out at things like this, or going into martyr mode.
She asked me if I could pick her up tonight. I said no, that I didn't want to. I didn't feel guilty, either! So that's some progress.
I said some things on the phone that I know are not my place to say, but I think she was so far gone she will not remember any of it. Things like "If you don't like it, don't drink". Which is useless.
The thought of her driving even just 3 miles in that state.... And I know it could be so much worse, so for that I am thankful.
Gotta love the weekends. I'd appreciate anybody else's perspective on this kind of situation. Anything you see here that needs some better execution of Al-Anon principles or steps.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Sunday 31st of March 2013 12:55:35 AM
This scenario is also my life but it's not reserved for weekends only. I don't want my son near my home if he is not sober. I think it's okay to make choices based on your own best interests. This makes your motives correct. When I act based on my fears and worries I do damage to myself and others. I am a work in progress though and still struggle to truly surrender my own will and let go. You are not alone.x
I remember when my son was driving while drunk and would just go through the roof yelling at him. I have learned that would not do anything so I set a boundary and if I knew he was driving and called me I would ask are you driving? I would then just hang up on him. No talk no nothing. He got the message. Of course now he had to sell his car so he won't be on the streets any time soon so that is good.
You did well keeping your cool, so set some boundaries with her and keep attending your face to face meetings and keep coming back here.
Good job ((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you both very much for the input. Cathy - I love the new avatar pic! El-cee, I had wondered about whether it was ok or reasonable of me to not want her around my home when she is drunk. I do think that is probably a wise boundary to have, so I will probably go with that from now on.
I need to make sure I go to some meetings this week.
The changes I read here are so appropriate for recovery. I hear and sense "the courage to change the things I can" and feel excited at the change. God just imagine if we could get this new idea and behavior out to the hundred of thousands more who are not aware of it. It give me hope. Happy Easter ((((Hugs))))
Thanks Jerry! I keep thinking I wish they taught this stuff in schools! Or higher education at least...make understanding the steps and appropriate responses to hypothetical situations part of graduation requirements.
The drama continued today that made me question my actions. I think I did the wrong thing in one instance but I will have to go pray on that some and be more careful in future. I hope it doesn't come back to bite me.
. And I know it could be so much worse, so for that I am thankful.