The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hugs Margaret .. How long have you been going? Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps with a Sponsor? It really does make a difference because with my sponsors help I can change my perspective of the situation. My situation hasn't really changed, .. my perception of the situation really has, I do have a choice to wallow in what is going on (and this is what I do not saying you are) or I can find the gratitude in what I DO have in my life and focus on myself.
It's an overwhelming prospect at first to try and change me and not stay focused that things aren't the way I would like them to be, .. it's going into 3 years into the program I attend (or try to when time alots) 2 Alanon meetings as well as 2 open AA meetings. There are certain things about the program that I'm coming to slowly and it frustrates the heck out of me .. it's a program of progress not perfection.
Be gentle with yourself and know .. yes, .. it does get better, the alcoholic, work situation, money issues may not go away .. I see opportunities I did not see before and that is a huge blessing .. choices where I thought I had none. Keep coming back.
Hugs P :)
PS - I was one of those people who thought 12 steps means I'm in and then out in 12 weeks .. at the worst I don't have to go back after a year after all how hard can 12 little steps be and it's going to be presto instant change. I wasn't going to have to put any effort in to making those changes on my own.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
If you got to al anon and ans apply the programme to your life it will changed it is guarenteed 2.
All the people I see who live the al anon or AA way who do nthe footwork have better lives than when they arrived. Life is always going to have challenges. However today I have a tool box to deal with my problems and the support of the most lovely people ever. But I have had to work for it, it did not just happen. Today I am just getting happeir and happier my wildest dreams really are coming true. But I think thatr is because I am connected to my HP will for me, instead of trying to do it alone.
Hi MagK, Thank you for sharing. Im sorry you feel this way. It sounds as if you are a bit depressed. I also experience this and I must be vigilant and fight it or else before I know it Im in it. I understand how things can seem so dark and recently I too have been feeling this way and I have been a little closed at my meetings. I have been reluctant to really listen, for the first time, I have been there on a superficial level, not really opening my ears to the messages that are there for me. I find it difficult to really let go and let others live their own lives. I have forgotten to use my tools like detach with love. This gives me freedom to take care of myself and let others make their own choices. I must remember that we are learning and its okay to slip as I can be very hard on myself. I struggle to allow myself to feel negative emotions as I often judge them as failings in myself so I can sink into helplessness and depression. Im glad you are here.x
Thanks for all of your responses. Funny I googled how to detach a minute ago and this site popped up, is this a sign. LOL My 32 year old son is the alcoholic and I am trying right now not to text and check up on him. I get crazy with worry but I have felt better since attending AL-ANON meetings. I feel strange finding a sponsor or I guess uncomfortable so I haven't. I have been attending meetings once a week for about 7 weeks. I feel that being raised by an alcoholic changed the way I would have parented. I am fearful and controlling. I do feel depressed. I am afraid of the unknown. I try to control my circumstances and everyones around me also. My finances are a mess becaus I am helping my son and I also co-signed for his house. I expected a miracle. I know I need to work the steps and there will be no miracle. Thanks again for all of the positive feedback. I will work the steps even though I seem to be going very slow...... I would like to be at peace. I will keep coming back.
This is not a race what your going through. You didn't get this way overnight and you will be in recovery for the rest of your life. Al-anon is for you and your recovery. You can't cure your son and your best bet is to take charge of you life in hopes it will help your son. I to have a 35 yo son that I have enabled and took care of for so long he was able to continue his life style. I have worried and still do but didn't help. He is going to do what he wants no matter how much fear of worry I had. I had to stop the madness on my part or I was never going to have any peace. I'm in recovery and I will be in recovery taking it one day at a time. I have my good days and bad but they are not like they used to be.
You love him and want the best for him just like me. Setting boundaries and stop the enabling was easy. Letting Go, detach with love and let his HP take over is the next thing I did. Now I work on me so I don't have that fear, worry all the time. I have peace.....
First step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Take care of you and keep coming back...you are not alone.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I expected a miracle. I know I need to work the steps and there will be no miracle. Thanks again for all of the positive feedback. I will work the steps even though I seem to be going very slow...... I would like to be at peace. I will keep coming back. ----------------------------- Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I was always waiting for that miracle. I went to AlAnon and found after 5 years I was still waiting for the miracle. Sometimes the miracle is not what you think it is. Sometimes it seems really awful what we have to go through, but when we come out the other side we see that we are changed and a miracle is happening. I wanted the miracle to change him. I wanted the disrespect and the problems to go away. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted......... When I let go of what I thought would be the perfect ending, or even a suitable ending, I got progress toward my own serenity.
The miracle is not that our HP works on THEM, but that we are the ones that are worked on.
I expected a miracle. I know I need to work the steps and there will be no miracle. Thanks again for all of the positive feedback. I will work the steps even though I seem to be going very slow...... I would like to be at peace. I will keep coming back. ----------------------------- Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I was always waiting for that miracle. I went to AlAnon and found after 5 years I was still waiting for the miracle. Sometimes the miracle is not what you think it is. Sometimes it seems really awful what we have to go through, but when we come out the other side we see that we are changed and a miracle is happening. I wanted the miracle to change him. I wanted the disrespect and the problems to go away. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted......... When I let go of what I thought would be the perfect ending, or even a suitable ending, I got progress toward my own serenity.
The miracle is not that our HP works on THEM, but that we are the ones that are worked on.
I was asked one time....why do you keep trying to do HP's work, you don't have that power do you? I let go.....and let his HP take over.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
