The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wrote about my AH being drunk at 8:00 yesterday. Well, apparently he just kept drinking. I got a call from his grandmother at 1:00 PM telling me that he had fallen and he had a big knot on his head. She wanted me to come over to look at it, and I told her that it wouldn't do any good for me to be there, and that if she was frightened enough to call 911. Then she said she had more... Apparently before he fell, he was talking to people who weren't there, threatening to slit peoples throats, and then he walked to his bedroom. She said she heard some clicking noises coming from the bedroom. She went in there to see what was happening, and he was pretty much playing Russian Roulette with himself with one of his hand guns. When she tried to take the gun away he spun the chamber again, and then put it in his mouth. She said she was able to wrestle it away from him, and there WAS a bullet in the chamber. She hid all of his guns, and he started yelling, and punching the floor. She said that's when he tried to get up and he fell. He has made suicide threats before, but he has never acted on them. She told me that she had to call her nephew to come calm him down, and he finally passed out. She said that her heart was hurting, (she has a heart condition) and she had already had to take 2 of her nitroglycerin tablets. I didn't know what else to do, but go to the county chancery clerk, who handles the suicide threats. She told me that what would happen was he would be picked up, and evaluated for a number of hours, I have already forgotten how long. I signed the forms. I don't know what I was thinking, other than I was just so overwhelmed. Every part of my brain was telling me it was the right thing to do, and then on the way back home, every part of my brain was telling me it was so wrong. She told me that since it was addiction related, he will have to have a hearing in front of a judge after the evaluation, and the judge will decide whether or not to court order him to rehab, and I have to be at the hearing.
And here I am regretting every decision, and am a nervous, emotional mess. I feel like I have really messed things up big time. All I know to do now is just pray.
This is a personal opinion take what you like leave the rest. It truly sounds like you did what you felt was right with the tools you have. You are working a very strong program in a very difficult situation. He has the opportunity to get help and that is the best any of us have for right now he's safe and best of all you are safe. I hope you have an alanon meeting you can attend. I strongly recommend the book getting them sober vol 2. You are doing great!!! Now it's time to give it to HP and let go of the what if's. Hugs to you!!! P ;)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so very sorry that this terrible disease is disrupting your home and family. Please remember to be very gentle with yourself , stay in the moment and the day and trust HP.
I would have done the same thing.....to me it signifies the deep love you have for this man. You may have truly saved his life, now the rest is up to him. Look yourself in the mirror and say I love YOU.
You certainly did the right thing that you knew for the moment in the crisis. Going back and forth in your mind is a very normal thing, but trust your instincts. Trust your gut. You did the right thing. You trusted in the officials who deal with this all the time. It is never easy to deal with guilt in your own head but you still know you did the right thing. Good for you!
Deep breaths, I want to tell you that what you just responded to was a serious crisis call/12 step intervention....I have responded to those situations from an AA stand point and as a professional counselor. I would not have been able to handle it any better than you. In fact, you probably handled it better.
Now - stop being your own worst enemy!! Someone else acts all crazy and gets all twisted (which by the way sounds like way more than alcohol cuz people get like that from a combo of drugs and alcohol usually - paranoid). Someone else did all that, yet YOU are the one questioning yourself and having regret? Don't feel the remorse and regret that really belongs to your AH. He did this. Not you.
EASY DOES IT! Omg....you had every right to just say "not my problem" and yet you did intervene, help, maybe even save lives. When faced with crises like that you absolutely can't look back.
For today you are safe and I presume all your basic needs are met? Keep it that simple. You are okay. He is not. He has to figure out what to do and if he's gonna get in recovery. He should have been arrested for that escapade on a number of levels. He should be forced into rehab. Not only was he being dangerous to himself but he was torturing an elderly person in the process. That shows how far gone he is. (and it's not your fault for having him go to his grandmother's either so don't go there since grandmother is a grown up and sounds like she responded rationally too). Whatever outcomes happen it's either him causing them for himself or God/HP doing it to get him where he needs to be.
Hopefully you can get to some face to face meetings. I know I would be in severe fight or flight mode / trauma after having been part of something like that. You have done well.
(((INC12))))
I know exactly what you are feeling. 2 wwks ago I went thru a similiar situation w my AH. Police took him to the ER for evaluation and he spent 3 nights. At first he was so angry w me, but by the end he thanked me, saying he needed to be in the hospital. I beat myself up, did I do the right thing? But I got so much love and support from this group and my F2F meetings, It really helped. I can only say what others have said. Take care of you, trust your gut, and be gentle with yourself. Get your rest and eat well during this time. I know it is not easy, but it will make you feel better. Much love and prayers to you.
You absolutely did the right thing. No doubt about it. Suicide is a permanent solution that you can't take back. Even if he never thanks you for your action you can rest assured that you truly had no other recourse but to place him in a situation where he can be safe. Both of you are in my prayers...
Wow, big hugs and lots of respect to you INC12, that is one hell of a day and in my humble opinion you have, without any doubt, been an amazing and compassionate human being. I know that it is difficult to believe but I think that you have been a hero. I hope that you can find yourself a lovely calm place to rest up, give yourself a well deserved treat and remember the love we are all sending you from these boards.
Without spiritual help, living with the disease is too overwhelming for most of us .. extending understanding, wishes for serenity, and reflecting on the name of this post in general .. all the chaos we can fit into one day .. and we wonder sometimes why we're overwhelmed and exhausted by the end of it .. i was thinking of what my sponsor has shared with me from day 1 .. try not to judge good, bad, right, wrong .. example: how do you know "hp didn't literally save his life by using you as part of his outcome in a plan to lead him toward a place where he can either receive help or atleast help him become a little closer anyway to becoming entirely ready someday to receiving help... i know when i'm feeling any type of shame or regret with decisions i've made regarding the a or others, etc .. (my own esh only) i learned loyalty to the disease .. to talk about what's really going on (with outsiders) was viewed (by the a's) as a form of betrayal; to be loyal to the disease as opposed to the man .. sounds like there may have been a decision made to be loyal to the man rather than the disease .. hang in there ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 29th of March 2013 12:59:03 AM
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 29th of March 2013 01:00:44 AM
Thank you so so much, everyone, for the kind words! I was a mess this morning. I talked to my sponsor today and then I looked on here, and for the moment I am feeling peace. All of you are Godsends! So truly thankful for all of you!
