The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that I too did not realize what profound changes had happened within me, until I was faced with a situation that I would react terribly to and I responded differently.
Staying silent and knowing the truth is certainly a powerful response
Great program work
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 27th of March 2013 09:32:21 PM
So the exA called me tonight to tell me how concerned he is about our kids...playing too many video games, and my 16 yo not doing well in school. The exA is telling me all these things I need to do...and that it's probably "too late" to turn things around for my 16yo. He says "you are so busy with work that you can't pay attention to these things" -- Though I was boiling inside...I did not react. I stayed silent.
He says " I was in the ER last night" and "I'm not sure how much longer I'll be around...I can't walk, I have prostate probs...etc etc etc" and "I can't afford the health care I need"
I stayed silent. I told him he was welcome to talk to my son's counselor if he was concerned. He says "well I only see the kids every 13 days or so" -- I stayed silent.
He is so sick. He is feeling alarmed, and wants me to make sure the kids do well in life. He doesn't think I'm doing a good job as a parent, because I work too much. (he hasn't worked in almost 3 years and contributes nothing).
My take-away? It's America...he has every right to be wrong. I know the truth, and that's enough for me.
LOL rehprof I've never heard that take away ever and it is so worth even saying with love. I'm gonna keep that in my response file...just in case. Thank's for the take away thought and for the ESH...you've done and are doing well. ((((hugs))))
I was at a meeting yesterday about "principles over personalities". Knowing the truth sure does help to keep your eyes on the principles and not get bogged down in the personalities. Good job. You have changed a lot to be able to keep quiet about all that you know to be the truth. That's taking care of yourself and your family.
This is the part of my program I need to work on. I couldn't do it. I would feel I had the responsibility to point out the obvious and then I would figure since I was right and justified it was my duty. All it would accomplish to tell him "the truth" would be to knock him down more pegs when he's already a sick and dying alcoholic. Wasted air and wasted energy right? I'm sure you've had the argument about why you have to work so much before right? If it didn't sink in the first 3223442352326509435345 times??.....
So hard to resist the impulse of "He doesn't get to think like that!" and "How dare he!!?" Fact of the matter is we are powerless over how sick alcoholics think and even most other people. Dunno what I gotta do to get where you are at with that but I know I need to progress there.
Pink -- so true...wasted energy and wasted breath. If he "got it" we would probably not be divorced....I just surprised myself by not trying to "correct" his thinking...I just let it be.
It is soooo hard to be in the middle of the chaos and try to be the one who doesn't need to react. Fantabulous job on choosing not to react!!! You've come a LONG LONG LONG way, and it's a priceless feeling!!
Big hugs, my sister from another mister, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
