The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The past two days - I have been SOOO busy I dont even think I have much time to think about my ex. My new business is underway - but some issues popped up with my self-esteem the last couple of days that is getting me freaked out.
First I get treated like a princess by some guy I dont even remember meeting 6 years ago - who I obviously had some kind of effect on 6 years ago. Then I come back to NJ and start the first session of my lessons and all these people are handing me money and I keep thinking - I dont deserve this.
So my housemate and I were sitting having a beer last night - and I brought up this issue - that the guy I met in Chicago was SOOOO nice and treated me SOOOO well and I kept thinking to myself - I dont deserve all of this!! This is something I would do for someone else - not something someone would do for me. And how I feel like I am not doing enough at my swim school and feel like people should not be treating me with such respect - I dont deserve all this money - and all this money is MINE. Who gave me this responsibility!!???
My housemate pointed out that I really do have an issue with things I do and dont deserve - which made me open my eyes YET AGAIN. Lots of things are doing that lately. I need to accept that I am good enough - and worth someone treating me the way they did this past weekend - and worth running my own business and making good money with it - I EARNED it. But the whole being treated well by another person - makes me feel strange. I keep thinking I didnt DO anything to get treated this way. But I need to stop and realize that I dont NEED to do anything to get that kind of treatment. I always have done things for people expecting nothing in return - and now I feel guilty that this guy who I hardly even know went out of HIS way to do what I normally do for people.
This is a lifestyle I have never experienced - and not sure I know how to!!
I have a similar issue with men especially. When I'm in a relationship or pursuing a relationship all I want is attention. Then I find a man who lavishes me with attantion and I freak out and run.
You so do deserve everything wonderful that is happening to you! I know how you feel though. I always wonder why people are nice to me. Relax and enjoy it. Buy yourself something nice!
Reading your post brought back some old thoughts of mine as well. I can relate feeling awkward when someone reaches out to do something nice for us and we have not done anything to bring it on, we were just being ourselves. I also find it hard sometimes to give myself enough credit for being an interesting, educated, compassionate person. I grew up feeling like I needed to constantly do more to please my father and mother, which spilled over onto my friends. When I look back now on my friendships for a long time I put more energy and effort into them than they did. Eventually I decided that I was tired of putting so much effort into keeping in touch. When I stopped putting the effort into it, they did not pick up where I left off and carry that out, so I realized that the effort I put into my male and female relationships was not directed at the right people. I should have been putting that love and attention into myself and sharing myself with people who really wanted to be a part of my life. If you've met someone who treated you with genuine respect and kindness its because that person sees those same qualities in you. If we believe we are worth every dream we have I believe we will be successful and achieve healing and prosperity.
You are a blessing, keep telling yourself you are worth it because you are.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Two word reply to the title of your post, and I mean this w/ love but. B S ! LOL........
You do deserve it. :)
Now I also know what it is like to feel this way. I know that it's hard for me to accept even compliment sometimes let alone being treated well. Hopefully this is something that you can look at, learn more about and as you learn more about make changes.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
(((cyn))))))) sit back and enjoy. things sound really good for you right now so dont let them pass you by. you deserve all of this you are worth it. tc :)
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
