The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After six months of relapse that seemingly continued to get worse and worse I have asked my fiance to leave our home. I can no longer bear to live with the insanity in my life. She has continued to increase her use. Typically two nights a week she will not come home. I have found drug paraphenalia all over the place. She has continued to tell me how recovery is about progress not perfection but I have watched her get worse and use more often and begin to get more bold in her lies to me. I have asked her to leave once already but I recanted because of the hope I held in my heart. I know this has made me feel worse and Im sure has done her no good either. I hope I have the conviction to stand by my statement. I cant stand the pain Im in with her around anymore, and maybe when she is out there she will find what she needs to get sober. I have very few people in my life her and our son are my entire world and it breaks my heart that I have decided to end it.
Aloha Lupo....Auwe!! I know those feelings and feel them again with you. When I came to believe and trust in a power greater than myself the hope came back and I turned my wife whom you describe very well as your fiance, over to my HP and hers and let go in detachment. Yes there is sadness and grief...if there wasn't there would be something seriously wrong with us and then we learn to take care of ourselves as we have cared for the alcoholics/addicts. I feel sad with you and am hopeful that when you get into the same program I did you will restore completely, if not better. Keep coming back brother...often and openly and willingly. (((((hugs)))))
Hi Lupo, I admire your honesty and bravery and hope that you can get lots of support, from your friends here and from face to face meetings if you can get to them. You've done a very loving thing and I know that it is soooo difficult. Sending you (((((hugs))))))
I guess it wasnt as simple as all that. I have asked her to leave but she doesnt want to. She said she will move into another room so I guess Ill have to let it go since i dont really feel the need for the argument. I plan to stop paying for all but her phone. I hate the way this is.
I found I needed to stop ALL enabling....even the phone. If it's that important to my AS to have one, he better get off his behind and pay for it. I love him and want the best for him but I had to let go. He knows this now and realizes mom will support but will not contribute.
This was the biggest but not the hardest thing I had to do ( enable ). To not engage him is also going well. Now to work on the hurt inside me knowing my son is going to die if he doesn't stop drinking.
If it takes living on the streets so be it. What I was doing was just keeping him content with bottle.
Take care of you and let go of her and hand her over to her HP. She will find her way if she really wants it...but only she will know when that will happen.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
