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Well my AW kicked off again on Sunday,she went into total meltdown while the kids where still up.I tried to get her to stop as I hate the kids to see her like that but I was talking to the wall.I remembered the steps and tried with all my heart to stay calm but when she kept on screaming at me over and over.Then my edlest son of 10 who has Autisum started to get upset and tried to talk to his mum down and I was getting more up set that she had put him in this position .So I got the kids to bed but she kept on,she could end it all she was leaving me that I would never be the man my father was balh balh balh. All designed to hurt me and in the end I started to crack so I confronted her in the kicthen told her she had a drink problem,I tried to get to her hidden booze to say there see I know what you drink and where you hide it but she denied me access.So I left her to it and went to check on my boys. My edlest was still awake so I talked to him to put his mind at rest but all he could say is mum going to leave us(one of the things she shouted out)but I managed to settle him down. As for me I not in a good place I spent the last two nights on the sofa by choice as Im just so .Right I must stop now and I will try to get to a meeting soon.
This disease is cunning and powerful I am so sorry that your family is caught up in this madness. Remember that you are not alone. I am glad you are planning on atttending a meeting.
((((Gorby))))...welcome and continue to hang with us where you can learn alternatives to reacting to how you're doing it now. Certainly you don't do it for her...she is responsible for the consequences of her own decisions and choices. It is better that she face them without any distraction from you or the children or anyone else. That way the voice in her head that tells her you're doing poorly as a drunk will get louder and louder and might cause her to seek help. For your part you have to go seek help also...soon. Alcoholism is a fatal disease and it doesn't only kill the alcoholic. Keep coming back. For me when I was done I stopped trying to "fix" my alcoholic/addict wife and even make suggestions. By this time there wasn't even a clue of sanity and mutual respect; Alcoholism got it all. (((hugs)))
please believe me when I say that you are not alone. I have lived through that scenario so many times i cant count them. It will drive you crazy... not only when its happening but when your waiting for it to happen again. Keep working the alanon program and let Your HP guide you. Take care of yourself so you can be their for the children instead of being part of the problem. You are in my prayers.
Thank you all for your kind words and support & I want you all to know that you are getting me through a very rough patch.I know there is a bit of me that still loves my AW but Im finding it very hard at the moment. I just I dont know find it hard to accept that she can treat me like crap and I'm just to supposed to swallow it.You know how like after a complete nasty meltdown that the next day its like it never happenend (for her at least) while I have had to go to the doctors today as all this stress is having an effect on my health ,thanks for listening to me,peace.
.So I got the kids to bed but she kept on,she could end it all she was leaving me that I would never be the man my father was balh balh balh. All designed to hurt me and in the end I started to crack so I confronted her in the kicthen told her she had a drink problem,I tried to get to her hidden booze to say there see I know what you drink and where you hide it but she denied me access.So I left her to it and went to check on my boys. My edlest was still awake so I talked to him to put his mind at rest but all he could say is mum going to leave us(one of the things she shouted out)but I managed to settle him down. As for me I not in a good place I spent the last two nights on the sofa by choice as Im just so 
.Right I must stop now and I will try to get to a meeting soon.
Yup, bought back memories of my own marriage and of my parents marriage.
