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My sister drinks every single day, but not to the point of drunkeness (as far as I know). She rations herself to 1/2 bottle of wine daily, and then more for special occasions or when on vacation or when getting together with friends. But always the 1/2 bottle per day.
When she was scheduled to visit us, I reminded her that my husband is a recovering alcoholic (he never got any counseling other than talking with his Dr and just stopping drinking on his own but he has stopped for 2 years).
I asked her if she would please not offer my husband any alcohol and to please not drink in front of him (he still thinks he might be able to drink in moderation and has taken "a drink" on several occasions recently after not drinking at all for about 2 years). She basically refused to not drink but did agree to take her wine to her bedroom and drink there (after I explained it this way: her son is a recovering heroin and pain pill addict. I asked her if she would like it if someone who had been prescribed pain pills brought them to her house and offered them to her son and left them sitting on the counter so he would be enticed to take them).
However, my husband knows she drinks and asked her pointedly the first day she arrived Don't you want something to drink? and then the next day he brought home 3 bottles of wine (he said because she wanted it). I was very upset.
I guess I am supposed to let him deal with this on his own (because I can't control what he does)? I guess I am supposed to let her drink and offer my husband alcohol (because I can't control her)?
I believe this is your home and that you have the right to expect your sister to respect the rules that you live by.
That being said, it seems that your hubby is into entertaining her, in your home as he believes he should. The old belief that a a guest must be wined and dined is still alive and well.
In Alanon I learned that I am powerless over alcohol. No matter what I say or do it will not affect how an alcoholic behaves. That being said, I would check out alanon meetings and attend That will help to keep your serenity during this time
It's hard to know what exactly is going on here -- is your H thinking about drinking again? Is your sister manipulatively pushing your boundaries? But it would sure make me uneasy too. It sounds as if your husband is not easy to talk to about his drinking and stopping. A former heavy drinker who is not in a formal program of recovery is a person with a limited supply of tools. That said, the truth will come out no matter what. If your husband does start drinking again, it will be clear.
I agree that it's your house, your rules. But realistically, an alcoholic will smuggle alcohol in if asked not to drink. I think probably the only way to avoid her drinking obviously in your home is to tell her she needs to stay elsewhere (for instance a hotel). This typically produces a big push-back from alcoholics, trying to make us believe we're the crazy ones. Not saying that this or that option is right, only thinking over the alternatives.
However compulsive they are, if you stick with your program of recovery and health, you can weather whatever comes down the road. I hope you'll keep coming back.
The personalities and characters of alcoholics especially around booze and boozing isn't supportive of being alcohol free and sober. Drinking is a big deal to those who are compulsed to do so. If I see the situation right...she heard you clearly and your husband knows he has a problem and shouldn't be drinking and still neither of them are respecting the need for an alcohol free home other than yourself. The expectations don't look in your favor. Get to your face to face meetings and around the fellowship so that you have support and rationality part of the time. Your ownly responsibility still is over yourself. Keep coming back...((((hugs))))
I got to the point where I would mention that my home is an alcohol free home and that no alcohol was allowed inside. I was convincing and it has never been crossed by anyone.
It's your husband's recovery and lack there of. He's already thinking he can drink in moderation. Sounds like he's planning a relapse. Or it will slowly and insideously get back to that. This often happens with folks who have no recovery program. Alcoholism = insanity. It's his job to protect his sobriety. Not yours. It will also be his choices to try and fool himself into thinking he can drink in moderation that will likely lead back to square 1. This is not to make you anxious or upset. Just what I've seen from countless others trying to turn themselves into regular drinkers after periods of sobriety.
I have not drank in 4 and a half years and of course I think I can handle "just one" In fact, I could probably do that a few times, maybe a year...who knows? But if I keep trying that, I WILL go back to being a fall down drunk eventually. There is no outwitting alcoholism. This is your husbands battle though and he wants to throw away his sobriety with experiments and vicariously identifying with alcoholics...that's his path and his lesson to learn. All you can do to help is go to alanon and model some real recovery.
