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Hi everyone. My AH has been trying to recover, basically on his own. Last week he took off for 2 days, no word. Then again on Saturday. Sunday morning I packed his bag and asked him to go away and get help. Last night he snuck back in. This morning I again asked him to leave, and he did. I told him he could come back when he was getting help for his problem, and he told me his problem was ME. I told him, you're the alcoholic, you would say that.
We have 3 kids and I just won't subject them to this anymore.
Any insight or thoughts from those who have "kicked out" their AH, I am listening.
Looking forward to learning from this board. THanks.
I kicked my AH out 3 months ago because he was being abusive. The first day he begged and pleaded with me to let him come home and he swore he would get help. I told him I would only consider allowing him to return home after he had begun treatment. He never sought out any type of help. He continues to drink everyday and is as crazy and out of control as ever. I miss him sometimes but it has been such a relief to have peace in my home and be away from his insanity. I've come to accept that he may never get sober but I will be just fine no matter what happens to him. Although I was hoping he would get help and our marriage could be saved I'm now ready to move on with my life and plan on divorcing him.
I didn't kick mine out, I just didn't let him come back the last time he left in an angry huff. I found Al-anon and answers. I knew what I could not put myself or my family through anymore - I said, AA or you're not coming back and he chose not coming back. Said I was the problem, I was throwing away a good marriage (define good?) and accused me continuously of having boyfriends, man my reputation sure had a lot of fun back then!
This phrase really leapt off the screen at me - "Nothing changes if nothing changes" and boy did I need something to change, I didn't want to just keep on repeating and the only person that could ensure they did NOT repeat was ME. My biggest regret is that my child suffered the most damage - I invited the damage in, embraced the ogre; she was helpless - could not do one single thing to stop the insanity in her life other than hide in her room. For that I am sorry. Kids don't have a choice when their parents make bad choices.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
We finally had to ask our teen age son to leave our family home, he was out of school, not working, always promising to get help, lying about his whereabouts and actions were always because of someone else.
Years later, he's told us that it was the best thing we could have done. By allowing him to stay or promise recovery, or put up with his drinking and addictions we would have only prolonged his disease by enabling him.
That was our experience, as Dr. Phil would say once children are involved it's no longer a matter of what you can or can't put up with. The importance for a healthy envirnment takes on a whole new meaning.
