The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I dreamt I was driving a bus and my five year old was the only passenger. I came to an intersection that was tricky and sorta blocked. I bumped into a truck trying to get around the traffic and then ended up taking a left into a warehouse to get out of the mess. My original destination was to go straight but there was too much going on. I drove the bus into the warehouse and somehow the bus ended up on a ledge near the ceiling facing a wall with nowhere to go. If I moved the bus at all it would have fallen. I got out and cried to the men below for help. I told them I didn't know how to get the bus off the ledge without crashing it and my child was in there.
I've been having a hard time when it comes time to falling asleep. Every night I think about the fight I had with my parents and I feel anxious. Then I start to get panicky and feel afraid. While I am dozing off I always wake up startled filled with fear several times before I finally drift off. I want this to be over. They aren't here and I'm letting them have this huge affect on me.
For a while, I had to do some very structured relaxation and use affirmations for a half hour before I went to bed (and throughout the day, for that matter). I know others who journal...so they don't have to process that stuff in their dreams..
sleep can be illusive when you are going through this
I'm sorry that sleep eludes you right now. I used to have a reoccuring dream that while I was sleeping I and I alone was totally in charge of making sure thousands were fed and served. I would mentally work all night filling and refilling thousands of hungry people's plates and would wake up exhausted...the dream went on for years.
Once at a face to face I asked others what they thought the dream meant and low and behold, although no one pretended to be able to read dreams...they common response was pretty much an eye opener. It was clear I was trying to be in control, take full charge, be the care taker in spite of my human ability. I am only responsible for myself the rest I can give over to my Higher power. From that moment on the dream has not returned. It simply isn't my job to worry about what others are capable of, where I must turn, why I continue to find myself in situations where I feel no control. I am the master of my choices.
Another wonderful solution that I've learned is before we go to sleep at night, it's our responsiblity to allow our minds to rest without stimulation of tv, lights, sounds, activity. Find the things that relax you at least 20 mins. before going to bed. Think happy thoughts after having said my prayers and allow the well deserved rest fall over my tired soul.
What are the reminders from our program to never allow ourselves to become too tired, too hungry, too lonely, too angry...basically find someone in face to face that we can confide our worries to and regain our footing. aka The Alanon program.
