The material presented
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level.
I had a conversation with my AH over the phone today, and instead of letting him ruin my day, I just needed to come here to vent. He called twice, and I missed them. Finally, on the third call, I answered. He was nearing drunk, so I should have just told him I would talk to him when he sobered up, but my willpower was evidently gone. He wanted to talk about "us", and where the relationship was headed. I reminded him that he was very adamant two weeks ago about a divorce. He told me that he wasn't sure now. He wanted us to try, but that I needed to change. Then he said, "Before you get mad, I know I need to do some changing too." Not one of the changes he suggested included quitting drinking, and seeking treatment. We talked a little more, and he said that alcohol was always going to be part of his life. He was always going to take "1 or 2 drinks every now and then" (yeah right..). I told him that this conversation was more appropriate in person, while sober. He told me that he wanted to do it right then. He then told me everything that I did wrong in the relationship, and he told me how he was going to do what he wanted for the rest of his two or three years. (He tried telling me that the Dr.'s told him that was how long he had to live when he was in the hospital with pancreatitis. The Dr.'s tried to impress upon him that his pancreas and liver WAS NOT beyond repair, and that it would return to 100% if he would comepletely quit drinking.) I guess he was just trying to play the sympathy card. I agreed with him that I played a part in the problems with our marriage, because I did. I'm not going to sit here and blame it all on his drinking. We both needed help, and I chose to seek it, while he is choosing to continue down his unhealthy path. He told me that we shouldn't have gotten married, and I agreed. It hurts to admit that I made the mistake of marrying my husband. I do love him, but not in the way a wife should. I repeated that I didn't want to talk about this over the phone while he had been drinking, so he hung up on me. He just sent me a text telling me I needed to change if I wanted to keep him. I replied with, "I'm praying to change into a better person everyday, for the sake of me being a better person, not for one person in particular. I'm trying my very best." He sent back, "Try for a worse person." I think that he is surprised that I am not running back to him like in times past. He is learning that he can't manipulate me anymore. He not once apologized for what he did two weeks ago. And I didn't expect him to.
What was I thinking answering the phone? Now I'm just left with anger, pity, and little hints of hatred and resentment. This just furthers my feelings of actually wanting a divorce. I know I don't need to make any rash decisions though. I'm glad I have this place to vent my frustrations, because if I didn't, I don't know what kind of emotional rampage I would be going through right now!
-- Edited by lnc12 on Monday 25th of March 2013 02:43:29 PM
It sounds to me like you handled that call VERY well, not getting sucked into his craziness and standing up for yourself, being clear about what you want for YOU. I certainly understand about anger and resentment, hatred too. They are all real emotions that any normal person would feel going through life with an alcoholic. Keep taking good care of yourself. Sending you good thoughts and hugs.
Sis we all gotta work this program in steps, one at a time, little bits, taking the bitter with the better with trips and falls at times also. In time the trips and falls happen less and less and we never reach perfection while the progress is well earned miracles. You ansered the phone...it's over put it aside. Next time you might say "glad I answered the phone" or "answered the phone and was surprised at how calm my entire self was/is.
You're doing good...you're here and working it...reaching out and changing the things you can. That gets a big cheer from this MIP brother. "Yay Lacy"!! you go girl!! (((hugs)))
When I look at the wrongs I made yesterday I become depressed, when I worry about my tomorrows I become anxious...no wonder this program reminds us one day at a time. Interesting each day is called the present, for it is truly a gift.
What was I thinking answering the phone? Now I'm just left with anger, pity, and little hints of hatred and resentment. This just furthers my feelings of actually wanting a divorce. I know I don't need to make any rash decisions though. I'm glad I have this place to vent my frustrations, because if I didn't, I don't know what kind of emotional rampage I would be going through right now!
