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I'm use to ignoring be drunk embarrassing behavior of my ah. Doesn't happen everyday but pretty much can count on fri sat nights or both. I don't have friends over anymore because of this. But last night he wanTed to cook and invite my two adult children and his cousin over. So we did. He was so embarrassing and "trashy/nasty" everyone was uncomfortable. He couldn't even say a word as easy as ice in what appeared to be a sentence.
After we all had an uncomfortable meal. Laughing at times at how ridiculous my ah was. My son and his gf left. When my daughter left I followed her in my car. As I drive off his cousin was leavin too. No one wanted to be around him. I'm horrified with embarrassment.
I didn't answer his calls or txts. They are always about he did nothing wrong ect. And really there's no point in talking even after he sobers up. I honestly think he's lost too many brain cells. I'm thankful he can still hold down a job mon thru Thursday.
wow what to do about the embarrassment
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
All you can do is tell yourself that his behavior is not a reflection of you. It is him that should be feeling embarrassed, not you. And he is too out of it to feel any embarrassment or care. My stbxah and I went to a party about 5 months ago where he got very intoxicated and acted very crazy and abusive towards me. His behavior was so bad that I had one person suggest I have him committed for an emergency psychiatric evaluation. Several people asked me if I wanted to come home and sleep on their couch for a few days because they were afraid he would hurt me. I was so embarrassed by his behavior that day. I didn't even know a lot of the people there and I was humiliated that this was their first impression of the two of us. And to make it worse this was not a drinking type of party. It was a family oriented get together during the day with children present and no one else was intoxicated so it made his drunken display stand out even more. I have thought of this night over and over in my head and it has caused me so much shame and anxiety while he was too drunk to remember anything that happened and has probably never given it a second thought. Yesterday I was invited to another get together by the same people. I have not seen or spoken to most of the people there since that awful night months ago. I almost didn't go last night because I was still feeling embarrassed by his behavior. To my surprise I ended up having a great time. Early in the evening a joke was made about how someone else was going to have to get drunk since I didn't bring the entertainment this time. There were a few questions asked about our separation and some surprising conversation about other peoples experiences with alcoholism in their families. And that was it. He was not discussed for the rest of the evening and I relaxed and had a good time. No one held his behavior against me or judged me for being married to an alcoholic. I realize the embarrassment I have been feeling for months was his and his alone. Other people were not judging me based on him. It helped me to further realize I am not responsible for his behavior or his disease. I am his wife, not his mother. He is a grown man and his bad behavior is only a reflection of him.
Remember the 3Cs and also that he didn't come with a leash. He gets to own it all no matter how he denies or qualifies it. Serenity Prayer Time. (((((Sweetr)))))
I echo what the others said, and would add that it also escalates the "openness" of his disease.... The more loved ones who see how he really is, the less able the alcoholic is able to pretend (mostly to himself) that he really doesn't have a problem....
No embarassment required for you - his actions and choices are NOT a reflection on or of you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
