What Would You Do? - Al-Anon Family Group

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

What Would You Do?

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

First I would get a proper cat carrier for the cat, and I would get the cat too. And as for the dog -- he only asked for the dog for the day, supposedly. That was all you agreed to. Throwing a temper tantrum shouldn't get him his way. However, getting the dog without endangering your son or you is also important. Make sure that no one is taking any chances. That may mean going in accompanied by a police officer. Seriously, do not take any chances. At the same time, if he is capable of letting the birds die, he should not be in charge of an animal.

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Thanks Mattie. Good to hear another opinion.

Jadie · Veteran Member

My experience of this is, while in his lucid moments my A's cat was fed and petted the other side of the coin was the cat was also subjected to drunken mood swings..... thumping of walls, shouting and god knows what else during blackouts..this is cruelty & neglect. It was only when I rescued it that I became aware of how nervous & disturbed the poor cat had becomeit took a long time for it to settle down,,,, it is now a happy cat but it still does not like raised voices.

Our pets are also affected by the insanity and I did for the cat what it couldn't do for itself!

Your A is showing you his insanity by his unpredictable actionstake care in whatever you decide.

In support

Jadie x

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

As much as I loved animals and my pets during my active drinking - I was not the best choice to have full ownership and take responsibility for them. If it is a matter of choice, they should be with you. If it's co-ownership and/or he payed for the pet, the pet's food, it could get messy. An example of how I would neglect a pet unintentionally was that I got up one time in the morning all hungover, smoked a cigarrette on the patio (cuz I also smoked then too) and I shut the sliding glass door and went to work. Guess who was meowing really loud after being locked on the patio all day with no food and water? That only happened once but it was pretty crappy to do in retrospect and my cat has gotten some wonderful "living ammends" from me as a result lol. She is fat and spoiled lol. Nonetheless, this is just an example of how me by myself and actively drinking did not make for good pet care. That's what I'd be more concerned about even more than forgetting to feed the dog.

It would be that the dog will never make it to the vet. The dog could be tripped over, fallen on...and when he's drunk or so hungover, he won't be able to respond to the dog.

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I would have a police escort you to your house and take the dog. My dogs are my kids and if I left them in a situation like that it would be unbearable. If he will let the birds die he is capable of anything. Thanks.

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Thanks for your opinions. Sounds like we all agree that she, and even the cat (you convinced me Mattie) need to be with me but I need to be safe. That is the delimma. I am afraid of him and my friends and family are all worried about my safety because he is so unstable and his anger is so intense. So hard to believe it's come to this.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Yep get or borrow a carrier for the cat, and for sure get that dog out of there. I would never leave anything I loved with the active A. '

I am sad about your birds. Glad you got the others out!

geez who cares what the A does. He is very sick, I would never allow his bolony to stop me from doing what I know is right.

Hugs! love,debilyn

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

The police will go in with you. If you are worried about retaliation, that's probably something to be worried about whether or not you have rescued the animals (so at least the animals should be rescued). But the police will be very familiar with this kind of situation. Talk to them and also maybe to your local Domestic Violence shelter or the National Domestic Violence Shelter, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They will know what steps you can take to protect yourself after the animals are out of your A's control and you are dealing with the A's general insanity and rage.

I know our local animal shelter takes in the animals of women fleeing dangerous domestic situations. Not to say that you need a shelter to take in your animals, just that it is a well-recognized phenomenon that men who threaten women also abuse pets, whether through active violence or through deadly neglect. You can often get a free cardboard cat carrier at the local animal shelter or vet's office (or buy a cheap one at the pet store). I know these are all practical measures when the problem is much bigger than merely practical measures -- the problem is that your A is a loose cannon and who knows when and how he will go off. But at least if you get the pets (safely, with a police officer), he won't be holding them to ransom, which also sometimes happens. "Come talk to me or I will kill the dog" or "Come and get the dog but don't bring anyone with you" -- nightmare scenarios. Get expert help and take care of yourself!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.