The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You might be talking about program addiction or swaping the bottle for the program. I've heard it in metaphor about the swinging pendulum...it goes from one height to the other. My sponsor told me that a fine German handmade standing clock keeps very very good time while the pendulum swings just an inch or so from dead center. You couldn't control his drinking and you won't be able to control his program attendence either. His program is now the most important thing in his life...booze to program and swings past the center quickly. I suggest getting into the Al-Anon Family Groups if you're not already attending so that you have people who understand and can help you find the way of keeping yourself sane. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 24th of March 2013 01:03:17 AM
As exciting it is to see your loved one recover, how do you deal with them reinventing themselves into someone you don't know. Almost a selfishness of I don't care what you think.
My AH is in early recovery and I think that he is trying to discover someone (himself) and he needs to get to know himself a better before he can start to figure me onto his horizon again.
It ain't easy for either of us (I was soooo looking forward to him stopping his drinking and I'm disappointed that we are not skipping into a sunset just yet!), but of course he needs to recover and that takes a bit longer I think. I'm figuring that he needs his space and if that means he is being selfish then so be it - I just get on with looking after myself and indulge in being a bit selfish as well.
They don't know what they think of themselves yet... the brain is doing all sorts of mental arobics, the emotional center is completely off kilter, and most are not much more than adult children trying to grow up and become adults. Ever heard someone say..."I wish you would ACT like an adult"? Well, for many in early recovery, they don't have a clue what that means, but are trying to act like they do. Give him room and time to grow, and learn... and keep your focus on you. Remember, their disease you can't do anything about... you didn't cause it, cannot control it, and can't cure it. Your Dis-ease about things is what you can do something about, and it starts with Letting Go, trusting your Higher Power, and Detaching with Love. This way you are less inclined to personalize what is going on with them, between their ears.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
