The material presented
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Feeling lonely so what stupid thing do i do? That's right call the ex AB, who is drinking. Try to talk, not fight, he hangs on me says he is partying and its more fun cuz I'm not around. Tells me " how can you blame all your actions on me"? But I do, I try to tell him I could not handle the alcohol and I did react badly..its true. I can own that. For a brief second I was ready to take the responsibility, but why...loneliness, guilt? He can not own any of this, its takes two right? I feel like I need a good cry, to get those emotions out then I guess I will continue to pound my head against the wall.
Hugs, you didn't cause his disease you aren't going to control it and you will not cure it. I had to and still have to remember I'm not going to rationalize with an active addict. They are unreasonable irrational people, there are tines I am that same way especially when I expect someone to respond in a normal way and they aren't normal. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aw Heather, I know where you are coming from; I cried so much for so long - have been thinking a lot recently about how good it is NOT to have to cry anymore. My ex is doing his best to convince everyone he hangs out with how happy he is, how much fun he has and how I was abusive towards him and blamed me for everything bad that happened in his life. As I've said before, I know what it was like living with him; I remember well him on his knees before the DVD player screaming at it because it was malfunctioning; no one yells in my house now and thats worth a lot.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
There's a good side Heather...you caught yourself and you can see what you did and why...that is major step out to recognize Heather for who she is under certain addictive, reactive habit. Good Girl!! Next time...if there is one you will have the experience of what doesn't work handy and you can choose other alternative. Yeppers scewing up sucks and that is how all of us have learned. Crappers I learned how to job 6 miles a night just to run past our old address where she still lived just to get my fix. I learned a lesson and lost a few pounds and then stopped jogging and went to a few more meetings and told on myself just like you've done here. Consequence? the fellowship jumped forward with a whole ton of alternatives I could practice...like running in another direction until I got tired of running or taking my dinner later just to throw of my lurking schedule.
Your thinking doesn't get you in trouble...your behaviors do. "Take the thought out as far and as wild as you wish....and do nothing about it". ((((hugs))))
Don't be hard on yourself. Maybe you just needed to hear more of his BS and immaturity to confirm you made the right choice. Responsible grownups don't "party" all the time for no reason. I used to describe my drinking as "partying " also. It wasn't a party. It was a tragedy. Don't be fooled.
It is so easy to forget why we don't want to play an alcoholic's games. Someone told me a story about warthogs having such short memories that after they run into their holes, having been chased there by a lion, they almost immediately forget why they went into the hole in the first place. When they turn around and stick their head back out - sure enough the clever lions are ready and waiting with a whacking great paw.
Some of the lessons we have learnt are unbelievable, so it is hardly surprising that we forget them from time to time. Its ok to cry and let it all out. You'll survive. But that wall you keep head butting??? Can you find something else to do instead?
