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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> honesty and a little pressure
Post Info TOPIC: honesty and a little pressure
Lyne


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honesty and a little pressure
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So I told my spouse that I need her to do something extremely serious and intense about her drinking and lying, and it is her choice, but if she doesn't I don't think I can stay in our marriage.  I think my being honest is the good part, but obviously she doesn't want to work on her addictions or  she would be doing it already.  I don't know if I have the strength to leave, but I think about it all the time and I wanted to tell her, Lyne



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Lyne
Cathyinaz


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I found that threats don't hold water with my AS. So I had to change. I think before I set a boundary or a promise to do something but now I do it.

Say what you mean and mean what you say but don't say it mean

(((( hugs ))))


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
Pushka


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What I have learned recently is that A's will not listen to what I say, they will watch what I do. By the same token I listen to what is said and not pay attention to actions. If I put down a boundary I have to be willing to follow through if not I've lost ground on saying what I mean and meaning what I say. Hugs p :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
rehprof


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I set a time limit in my head...if nothing has changed in 6 mos...I had to decide how much of my life I would spend with an active alcoholic..28 years was enough.

I threatened to leave many times...though it was veiled ("I don't know if I can do this anymore") and I was petrified that he would do something crazy that would affect the kids...so I didn't follow through on the threats.

He was absolutely floored when I told him he could not come home. Total disbelief. THAT time, I kept my boundary. That was 2 1/2 years ago...

I chose to divorce him...and it's really nice not to have that unpredicability in my life...though it's hard to be a single parent...and to not have a partner..it is a vast improvement over how I had lived for years...

Have strength...and there will come a time when you will have true clarity....I rode that fence for YEARS..then one day I just knew what I had to do...I'm praying you will get clarity too...whether to stay or go...

best, 

RP



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Lyne


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All your advice is excellent and I will try and take it in, Lyne

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Lyne
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