It's a God thing cause my HP and I have this kind of relationship.  I'm not close to my family and haven't ever been that close.  Both sides of my family come from within the disease and at one time we were all active.  The relationships were (at least for me) not close and trusting and we had lots and lots of serious conflict with lots of power and control crap.  For me I was the enabler in the family which left me with lots of latent resentments and disconnection.  My eldest brother just passed from cancer and after he was cremated the family got together to do a kind of ceremony which I told my younger brother I wasn't going to leave the islands for to go up, spend a short time and then come back.  I had no trouble leaving the family and returning home to Hawaii when I was younger.  There were statements of dis-ownment and stuff like that so staying here where I was born and staying away from "them" was a natural for me.  When my early sponsor told me I was going to have to stay away from all things alcohol that included the family. I remained on speaking terms and anger terms because to be around them for any lenght of time use to just blow my mind.  

Anyhow after I tell my younger brother I'm not coming up to CA because of -insert a few personal noes-  he calls me to entice me to change my answer to yes.  Same ole...Same ole.  He leaves a cell call message and I won't discuss.  "No" is a complete sentence and I don't discuss after no.  My son goes instead and they have a good time.  Plans are to bring the ashes down here to Hawaii and spread them at sea.  So I will be a more active participant then.  It was done for me at "no".  My younger brother though needs to express hurt and disappointment with me and emails me his position to which I responded within "program" ...compassionate, understanding, steadfast and loving a detachment attitude.  I didn't and don't apologize for other people's choices and consequences. I checked my email response to make sure that it would pass HP's critique and then put the matter in the "family file"   I checked my motives and they were honest and just and fair and within love.  Done.  

My HP wants me to make sure that I acknowledge that this side of my family still exists and while I am powerless over them all I am not empowered to treat anyone...family or not with disinterest and distain or disrespect and so like HP always does within HP's design and time I get the reminder to keep my brother in mind as a child of God, a human being and a person who occupies space and time in my own life.   My wife and I went to our Al-Anon home group the Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG and started what is to be a tradition...a one Wednesday "candle light" meeting.  We had two visitors...from California...San Francisco to be exact which is where we lived after my parents remove us from the islands and where so much of the trouble manifested it's self in our lives.  We traded some stories and started the meeting and the visitors were asked to take the lead for the night and the traditional members would come in after.  The first visitor named "Bob" did his share and then the next visitor, "Gordon" did his and we all followed until it came my time which I related some of what I have said here about my brother and I...and my Higher Power's will for me which is as plain as the nose on my face.  I am not to forget my brother as I go about my daily life...his name is Bob...his middle name is Gordon.  I'm well directed.

Thanks for letting me share.   (((hugs)))  

-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 22nd of March 2013 03:05:40 AM