The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was talking to a dear friend who ran into my STBXAH a couple days ago. She said that he was saying "I'm so happy, everything's going so well, I'm doing this and this and this and (Blondie) and I have agreed to be friends even after the divorce." Yeah, right. Pink cloud time - I've seen and heard it all before. This ain't my first rodeo.
She wasn't sharing this information to hurt me - just the opposite. She also shared with me some information he told her that will help me if this divorce gets nasty. Hopefully it won't but one can never be cautious enough. I'll hold it close to my chest, along with all the other deep, dark secrets I know. I'm not showing my hand just yet.
Nonetheless, her telling me was like a hot knife cutting into my spirit. How come he's the one who gets to be happy? And how come I'm the one still paying the bills while he's out sowing his oats?
I was in my pity party martyr mode for a couple hours until another dear and amazing friend reminded me that happy is as happy does.
Sure he's doing the happy dance, she said. He's not being held accountable by anyone, he's running around with his mistress and now they don't have to hide anymore, and he's still exhibiting all those behaviors you've seen for the last 10 years, she said. That ain't happiness - that's manipulative joy because he got rid of you because he knew the jig was up - that you weren't going to take his BS anymore. He's found someone new who will enable him, coddle him, fawn over him and all his character defects that he said you're too good to have to live with. He's found another victim.
The most important thing she said? "Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see." Wise woman, that sister-friend of mine! I love her so much.
And the funny thing is, she said, is that I'M the one who's actually got the freedom.
She told me that my happiness - the one I am working so hard for - is the kind of happiness that's good for the body and soul. A hard day's work. Loving compassionate friends and family that I don't have to lie to and hide from anymore because of my AH. Working my steps so I can be a better person for me, for family, for friends and future potential partners. Cuddling up with my sweet dog and watching basketball and getting a good night's sleep and hitting it hard again tomorrow. Making plans for an amazing future with my HP cheering me on. Coming here and sharing my ESH with you all.
I am fighting,struggling, growing to live my life well. He is trivializing it, toying with life, making a mockery of true, hard-earned happiness. See the difference? I finally do.
It may be the hard path to get to where I am going, but the reward is SO MUCH more worth it.
And with that, I ask to be excused. I've got basketball to watch!
Hello Blondie - I know that my ex is strutting around, looking good in his chaps, riding around on the motorcycle that I am paying for and acting like he's king of turd mountain. He supposedly is engaged to his new girlfriend, engaged in front of a crowd at the valentine's dinner making it a big show all about HIM. (and girlfriends on the side Im told). I live by myself (no men) with just daughter, dog and cats to keep me company. But you know what? I KNOW exactly the kind of evenings they have. I know what kind of raging fits he has over everything and how hard she scrabbles to try to please him. I know the chaos they live in despite how strongly they declare how happy they are.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Hugs Blondie :) I have to admit I giggled when I was reading your post. The reality and the truth two totally different things. Where I am a year later I wouldn't believed anyone. Agreed on keeping information very close to your vest you never know when you may need to play that particular card. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
