The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Hi Crazyjade I think its important to remember that Alcoholism is an illness....
My A always thought that my going to Alanon was to talk about him ! At a guess what he might really be saying is "don't forget to think about me while you're there"
With that in mind it really won't affect his sobriety whether you pick up literature or not. He's still got to act on it....and that means getting through the denial....which is Higher Powers job. We can't bring about spiritual awakenings...
However, we are meant to support our A's in their recovery so I personally would pick up a basic program leaflet if it's available. If nothing else it will give him something to read....and you never know what HP speaks through...
I used to send my AH LOADS of program stuff, plus coDa stuff lol. Whether he read it or not, it make me feel better. Took a few more years to find sobriety....so I know it had nothing to do with anything I sent him LOL
No we're not meant to manipulate them into the rooms of AA.....but if he ASKED for literature, that makes it his choice. BUT yes he can also google it and doesn't NEED your involvement....
-- Edited by f2fmember on Wednesday 20th of March 2013 09:53:39 PM
-- Edited by f2fmember on Wednesday 20th of March 2013 09:55:18 PM
I posted a few weeks ago about detaching from my ABF.
Tonight I was on my way out the door to my 2nd F2F meeting. On the way out he asked if I would pick up some AA pamphlets for him. My first thought was "sure", but as I was driving to the meeting, I started wondering if I should. I mean, if he was serious about wanting info, why doesn't he get it on his own? Do his own reasearch - I did. It's not that hard, especially with "google".
Doesn't matter anyway, the place where they held the meeting was locked up tight. He & I had argued about him lying to me (again) and all I could think was "I need to get out of here" and go to a meeting. It didn't occur to me that there was no Wed. Night meeting. LOL
I was learning to detach, I was doing pretty good... then he got arrested. I knew it was just a matter of time. He called from jail - it's so sad that I recognize the number. I held to my boundary.... didn't take the call. When the bondsman called, I told him that if his arrest involved Drugs or Alcohol, I would not post the bond.
His father called me a few days later- he was supposed to be coming for a visit. I explained to him why his son hadn't returned his calls, and dear old dad drove in to post his bond. I told both his Dad & Stepmother that he could come home to pick up a few things, but that unless/until he got into a program, he could not continue to live there. He agreed. He went to stay at his mother's. Told me that he would leave me alone, and would work on finding a program - I told him if he did that, we would re-visit our living situation in May.
Fast-forward to this week... His son who is in college is on spring break and wanted to come for a visit. I caved. I told him fine, he could come home for the week, but NO DRINKING, NO DRUGS, NO PARTIES...etc. Since Monday, I don't believe he has slept 6 hours. He's doing something - I don't think it's alcohol, but probably pills. I'm being lied to. I know I should expect it, but I'm hurt, I'm angry & I'm tired.
Now for my question - I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night, do I pick up literature for him, or do I let him get it on his own. I know that he must find sobriety for himself, but do I help?
On a side note- I honestly don't think he is ready for sobriety. If he were, he wouldn't still be "boucing off the walls" with whatever he's on.
Before I picked up the literature I would be clear on my motivations/feelings about it. If I felt like I was being manipulated, I would not expend any energy whatsoever getting the literature. When my husband was using, I just assumed that everything he did or said was a con job...made the second guessing about all aspects of our life together much easier. Of course we want recovery for our loved ones, but they have to want it and be willing to get off of their behinds and get their own darn literature (literally and figurateively). I can be a little hardass sometimes, though
