Hi Beckon
Abandonment.....hmmm
I tend to think that because I'm not from an alcoholic family I'm not someone who should consider abandonment as one of my issues......
I am however 7th child in a family of 9 and have been completely abandoned by family at times.
I left home at 16 and no one contacted.
I feel I have to be live like them to be liked by them......but  I am a very different person. Thanks to Alanon, I now know thats ok
My story is certainly no where near as bad as my husbands or many ACA stories I've heard.

I certainly feel like an only child from a big family.
I have done a fair amount of Alanon work around it, and have finally managed.....not to forgive as such, more accept how it was .....and to know that everyone is damaged in some way...for reasons that are really none of my business.
It was hard for me to be number 7....but it was also hard to be all the other numbers too, all for very different reasons.

I've accepted that they don't really know me....and I don't really know them....and thats ok.
I don't have to obsess about the why's and wherefores. I don't have to over think it, or endlessly try and work out who I'm like and where my charactor is compared to them....and why I keep getting it so wrong when they have all the answers.

Alanon teaches me to live one day at a time.....
I can choose to live my day feeling the negatives, or I can choose to accept my day and my family as individuals....who I either like or I don't.....and thats ok too LOL It doesn't stop me loving them.

The biggest change thats come from my change of attitude has been my relationship with my Mum...
I talk to her the way I would another Alanon member, but also knowing that she isn't in recovery at all.... so is still likely to be unacceptable with her behaviour.
When I accept that and stop taking it all personally, I find I can actually enjoy my day with her.

She actually said to me recently
We never got on Monica did we......but I feel we're friends now.
You have no idea how much thats meant to me.
But I have to be very careful not to people please to the point where I am using up MY energy and suffocating again.
I therefore choose to limit my time with her according to MY needs

I really don't know if any of that helps you x
I found I was doing 'family of origin' work and inner child work....over and over, instead of working of simply accepting what was.......and accepting who I now am because of it.
Whats important is what I do today... and learn how to live free with the tools of alanon.
As with everything it about re-learning all I mis-learned as a child....and finding some healthy balance.

ISM's are ISM's....we know where they come from.
As I say though I'm not ACA....and know that inherited charactor traits can be difficult to live with. All 3 of my children are quite obsessive minded. I know that comes from their father.
But they are how they are. And WHO they are is amazing.
I'm sure its the same for you x