The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been getting so much out of this board, in lurker-mode, for the past few months.
I 'tried' Al-Anon 11 years ago right as my 13 year marriage to my then alcoholic husband was ending. I didn't go back to the meetings at that time . The first meeting I went to had about 30 people in it, which was terrifying. I'm better in a smaller group. I left my marriage and - immediately and unsurprisingly - leapt straight into another relationship with an unstable person. Not a drinker but I suspect either extremely codependent himself, or narcissistic. Luckily he has a good long-time friend who has worked the Al-Anon program for a few years now and has become almost a different person. A stronger person, less buffetted by family drama. This long-time friend showed me what Al-Anon can do, and I want some of that!
Clearly I have unresolved codependency issues, not to mention am now dealing with alcoholism via my now grown child, and other people in my ex's family. Even without all of this it is high time for me to get healthy.
What I'm struggling with right now is the possible end to my current unhealthy relationship. I'd dearly love it to work out but am bouncing right now around between bargaining and denial. Every day I come here for advice on how to keep to my own side of the street, let him have the dignity to figure his own problems out, and to remember that I can't change or control him (and I didn't cause his craziness, no matter how much he tries to spin it otherwise). I get caught up in "If I could just explain to him what he's doing wrong. If I could just use the right words...". LOL. I have to catch myself and remind myself that's entirely the wrong way of going about it, and that I can only control myself and my reactions. As somebody recently said here, at the possible end to this long relationship, I'm making my decisions based on logic and spirituality, rather than anger/resentment/hurt/self-pity, etc.
I finally found a local small Al-Anon family group, and made a bit of progress, about 6 months ago. Then I stopped going and of course it all came spiralling downwards again. So I'm trying to make this a part of my every day life, because I never want to go back to being that sick and mistaken again. Each day I wake up feeling calm, unaffected by the drama, I realize I NEVER want to go back to all the anxiety, gaslighting and brain-fog from before.
Keep coming back! And thank you all so much for your gentle ESH and kindness.
So Many here can def. relate to what you are going thru, and so many of us had to make that tough decission to either Stay, or Go, but for me once i Started to really dig into the program and see my own faults, I realized alot of my decissions to Gravitate tords these "Sick" People was indeed no differant from my Childhood relations...
Al-Anon has Saved me From Myself Many times over, and It Truly Can "Restore us to Sanity" whether we Choose to Stay or to Go! No one can make that call for us, but I Will say that when I Started Changing Me... Even My Icky Relationships becames more Settling, when i Stopped trying to Control them & Their Addictions and started to look closer at mine... Well the Light Came back into my life, and i Can now Live the Life, I know God would much rather Perfer for me!
So Indeed.... KEEP COMING BACK... I'm Grateful you found a Smaller "Home" Group, I know Mine has been thing short of a True Blessing to me since the start :) Glad your Here!
Aloha Clear the Fog and welcome to the board. Of course you can still lurk if you like however let me tell you that your post is very supportive even for someone who has as much time as I have. Recovery is about "progress" not perfection and what I get from your post is the need for determination, commitment and promptness. When I work the solutions for me with those three tools the outcomes are more spiritually, mentally and emotionally acceptable for me. Mahalo (Thanks) (((((hugs)))))
. The first meeting I went to had about 30 people in it, which was terrifying. I'm better in a smaller group. I left my marriage and - immediately and unsurprisingly - leapt straight into another relationship with an unstable person. Not a drinker but I suspect either extremely codependent himself, or narcissistic. Luckily he has a good long-time friend who has worked the Al-Anon program for a few years now and has become almost a different person. A stronger person, less buffetted by family drama. This long-time friend showed me what Al-Anon can do, and I want some of that! 
