The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I am glad that you reached out and shared your inner self.
You are not alone the behaviors that you describe are very familiar and we can all identify. Alcoholism is a dreadful disease over which we are powerless Being powerless does not mean we are helpless. Reaching out, breaking the isolation, attending face to face meetings, connecting in person , with those who understand as few others can is the first step to recovery. Please check out the white pages of your telephone directory and find the alanon hot line number. Call for a listing of meetings and attend.
It is at these meetings I leaned to act in my own best interest, not react to destructive people, focus on myself, live one day at a time with courage serenity, and wisdom
There is hope
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 20th of March 2013 01:33:06 PM
My bestfriend from when I was 14 was addicted to meth ofr years and recovered in 2010 through treatment centers and half way house. I was there for him and in 2011 we decided to be together and live together. I have two kids outside of him and have been divorced. Things were going good and he started drinking here and there and I didn't think aything as he didn't have an alcohol problem in the past and we are in our 30s. His drinking became more in December when things financially got worse after us having a baby and me not working. I never tried to stop him and never made a big deal about it until a couple weeks ago. He had an episode last week where he passed out on the couch and made a huge mess by morning. The next day I said something needs to change and he said that hes starting AA meetings and had already lined up a sponsor. I was proud of him and I knew he was serious about changing. I didn't expect him to say that we cant be together right now and for me to not focus on getting back together. He said our relationship was unhealthy because I was an enabler and looking back I was I didnt try to stop him until it was too late and I didnt make a big deal about it and thats exactly why he thinks I was an enabler which made our relationship unhealthy. It hurt to hear that but I did play a role in enabling and thats not ok. We still live together but aren;t together as a couple and I hate that we cant be together and fight this. He has been going to his meetings and spending time wth his sponsor often and I'm proud of him for that. I will help him in any way I can while helping myself and my kids.
Has anyone been in this situation?
Where do I go from here?
Is there hope for us when we each get better to get back together?
What facebook online alanon groups would people reccomend?
If you didn't know he had a problem then what are you supposed to have done to enable him? Not sure I would let that label be placed on you. Seems like blame shifting (manipulation) to me. If not stopping him is being an enabler then everyone would be one as we cannot stop the A's in our lives from drinking. We cannot police the A into changing their behavior. We truly are powerless over the addictions that they have.
Aloha Pepper and welcome to the board. It's not good and also unfair to listen to the "trigger" statements an alcoholic/addict learns in their own recovery. He isn't your counselor or your sponsor. When he drops terms like enabler and such on you let them roll off you to the floor. He isn't qualified in the least. My experience in recovery has been in the Al-Anon Family Groups face to face meetings. That is what I learned and that is what I did to change my life. Since your addict/alcoholic is being allowed to exercise power and control (enabling) understand that you have the choice on how it affects you. If you were sitting with an Al-Anon sponsor or anyone else on this board the changes are you will learn a different perspective just like we have. For me the definition of enabling became "doing the best I could with the same or worse consequences" in other words getting what it was that I didn't want from my actions. Al-Anon is a 12step program with steps almost exactly as AA so the last word of the 2nd step is "Sanity" not sobriety or drug clean or attempting to control an uncontrolable situation. We arrive at Sanity after coming to believe that a Power Greater than Ourselves would lead us there.
The hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups is in the white pages of your local telephone book. That is the number I called and it still works...you will find out where and when we meet in your area. Most often kids can come into the room if they are not disruptive...some meetings have child care...you can get a baby sitter for a couple of hours or so...you can ask your addict/alcoholic to watch them while you're at a meeting just as you watch them when he's at a meeting.
I need some support. I have never been on this before or been to a meeting or anything. I am a mom of a 22 yr old daughter that just an hour ago walked out of her 2nd rehab for drug abuse. She is in florida helpless with no money and no phone. she borrowed a phone from someone in a store and called me begging me to fly her home. What do I do? I can hardly breathe because where she is at is high crime area and she has no phone or anything. I fear that she is going to die there and then if I bring her back home she is going to die here from drugs. I feel so helpless.
