The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's almost as if the waiting is finally over and I can feel comfortable again. She hadn't drank for over two weeks and now finally I can relax and not have all that terrible hope hanging over my head. She is a mean angry drunk even moreso than usual due to us already at odds with one another... but she is staying in the bedroom for the most part. I will have to sleep on the floor tonight in the living room but it is a small price to pay to be away from her. I'm kind of used to it actually. Even when she isn't mean when she drinks she has a tendency to wet the bed after she passes out so I sleep on the floor then anyway.
edit to add: new avatar is photo I took at the lake last summer. I love photography but camera was destroyed in the housefire. Now I just have my mom's crappy camera to use but better than nothing.
-- Edited by dponlyme on Tuesday 19th of March 2013 12:03:32 AM
Duckers...I just love duckers!! (((((your AW))))) Let God hold her for the night again. Put something soft on the floor or get one of those fold up mattresses if you're gonna do it more often. ((((hugs))))
It's a let down but I understand the relief you feel inside. As I have learned I have to keep in mind he's is going to drink or he's not. What am I going to do. The let downs or relief becomes less and less as I let go and let God take care of him.
One day at a time....
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I had no idea others felt that way to, the quitting is almost harder than the using. I always seem to wait for the show to fall and get grumpy and irritated. I want to be supportive but I liked how you put it when you said the hope hanging over your head is almost too much.
Hope is good but hope is best tied to yourself. Always hope for a better day, a better time, that your HP will provide a solution, and end to suffering. That kind of hope is what we all need and it's never bad. What you are talking about is expectations and a "hope" for another person. We are powerless over others so "hope" for them is more like expectations that can and often do result in let downs.
I would suggest to not get too comfortable with this and accept is as a given or your reality. Yeah...it may be that she will always relapse (or not), but whether or not you always sleep on the floor or live with someone that gets regularly hammered and pisses the bed, argues with you and generally acts like an impaired active alcoholic....that's not your "lot in life" persay. You don't have to live like a monk or inflict suffering on yourself due to her.
In other posts, you shared you have depression and your own issues - so do I - I can tell you that my depression never got better while hoping a crazy active drunk would change. Furthermore, it certainly never got better when I told myself that this was just how it was gonna be and I deserved it. It may have been just how the alcoholic was gonna be, but my life can change when I rely on my HP, reach out for help, and step out of situations and beliefs that are blocking my success.
Nothing is worse for depression than learned helplessness - this means literally believing you will get treated like crap, that you deserve crap, and that more crap is coming your way no matter what you do. That simply is not true. Stay with her if you want, but don't resign yourself to misery. Keep reaching out and hoping/expecting better because you deserve it.
Now I just have my mom's crappy camera to use but better than nothing.