The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a pleasant Saturday and AH did not come home but this morning at 5am my AH text me that he hated his life and he wanted to die. He hadn't said anything like that since he used to drink. One time he took out the shot gun and tried to do it when he was very drunk. I didn't take it lightly and I texted with him for awhile and told him to come home. He came home and crashed out fir a couple of hours. He woke up showered and asked if he could go to church with me. On the way to church he kept saying how much he loved me and that I was the only one who truly loved him. After church we went to go eat and came home. I think he is drinking or taking something. I know Its his problem if he fell off the wagon but it really scared me that he said he wanted to die. I'm frustrated cuz I do love him but his behavior is so erradic and I do not want to go through a relapse with him. He also cheated twice on me. I feel bad for him but I don't want to put myself through that again. I'm working two jobs to move out in a couple of months. My mind is all over the place. I know that he has to work his program and I have to work mine. I have to remember the three C's I didnt cause it I cant control it and I cant cure him. I'm going to go talk to a group friend in a little bit.
(((texasgal))) I can so relate to what you're going through. My XA used to frequently express his feelings of wanting to die.He came very close on a few occasions. He also mentioned that I and his daughter were the only ones who truly loved him. As difficult as it was, I had to finally accept that if that was what he wanted, there was nothing I could do to stop him. Yes, remember the three C's. That was powerful for me. Put your AH in your HP's hands and take care of yourself. Sending you hugs and support.
Go talk to that group friend...that's a meeting...there is no one in this world that can help me understand and change than someone who has been there also. ((((hugs))))
