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This may sound odd but I'm having trouble accepting my mothers drinking even though I live at home with her and my dad and brother. This may sound mean and I don't intend it to be but it would be so much easier for me to deal with/accept if my mom would just admit she has a problem and go to an outpatient facility to get help...alas she's the only one who can admit that she has a problem...This problem was much easier to deal with when I was away at college, out of the state..at least then it was easier to deal with. I don't know if I'm rambling here or what...does anyone have any advice? thanks.
It is very hard to accept it when someone you love is in the grip of alcoholism. You are so right that she is the only one capable of making a change. Have you spoken with her and voiced your concerns? Have others? That's really the most that you can do.
I have not walked in your shoes directly with having an alcoholic parent. Mine did not drink and that bug hit me from my uncle it would seem. The best you can do is not let her problem drag you down (easier said than done I know). Do your best to get to being independent with a career you enjoy and relationships you cherish. Despite her disease, that's what your mom would want anyhow and the best honor you can give her while she's suffering. As onlookers and family members of alcholics, it's always easy to say "it would be so much easier if..." But the fact is, we are totally powerless. We don't know what it will take for our alcoholics/addicts to get better and grasp recovery. When it was me - the worst part of it was after I admitted I had a problem and still couldn't stop. There are plenty of folks that go to outpatient facilities because their families want them to and they are not invested in it. Then they use the failure as a ready made excuse to go "See...even outpatient rehab doesn't work!! Nothing works!!!" My point is that you can spend all your time hoping for something to fix the alcoholism and then it wont be what you thought anyhow. It's good to have hope in general, but none of us know what will be the fix or motivator to really get people into recovery and it's a waste of our time to dwell on it. Don't miss the miracles in your own life while waiting for one to happen in your mom's.
dponlyme-yes I have talked with her as have my dad and brother. We've expressed how we've felt to her, how her drinking has affected us..but she gets angry because its the same thing over and over that we tell her.
pinkchip-the last part of what you said really hit home and made me cry..to think that I was putting my life on hold to wait for my mom to get better...that's no way to live!
Thank you both!!
Yep - I cannot wait to get better until someone else finally does. It won't ever work that way... most especially it won't work in my expected time-frame! All I can do is put that person in God's hands and then start focusing on taking care of myself.
