The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of the fellowship of al-anon.
The alcoholic that qualifies me for al-anon is my father. Over the years he has seen it all as an alcoholic. Layoffs, bankruptcy, DUI, rehab.....
Recently, he took 2 months off work to deal with depression. He spent the whole time drinking and eventually did go back to work....for a week. Now, he is skipping work again. He is enjoying his pity party and talking about he has disapointed everyone.
My sister says she received a phone call on her cell phone asking for my father. She asked who this was and it was the police. They advised he's not in trouble but they just need to speak with him.
The way the conversation sounded was that he had mentioned something about killing himself and that person (?) had phoned the police. The police then called to check on him.
I am experiencing a wide range on emotions. The most confusing of all is relief, but not for the fact that he's fine, for the fact that this takes him one step closer to rock bottom, whatever rock bottom may be. I pray to god that it's not ending his life because shelfishly, I don't want to have to explain that to people.
I am at an age where I am not reliant on my father but still want him around and it makes me sad to think that would be the way that chapter ends. On such a sour note.
One big thing I am recognizing is that I am detaching a lot better than I used to. I am able to feel empathy and not anger like I used to. Maybe that's because deep down I know he would never do it? He's threatened it dozens of times already and nothing has come of it.
This sounds like the "downward spiral" we talk about in recovery Jim and my awareness is that alcohol is also a liquid depressant. He sounds like he not drinking because he has problems rather that he's got problems because he is drinking. Got any AA members there who are willing to make a house call? It's called a wet 12th step and at times they work. I've done a few and there was some success. Turning this over to God with you...As long as he can get off of the bench and get into the program he's got a chance. ((((hugs)))) Keep coming back.
My dad told me he wanted to kill himself when i was nine. It was a devastating experience.
In the end we cannot change it, didn't cause it and can't cure it.
At the moment I am looking at the underlying issues that create addiction. It explains a lot more for me- and it comes closer to an illness model. I have not discarded the the teaching on alcoholism and addiction at all.
All the best Jim, for a difficult time- all we can do is give it our best shot!
I am so sorry you are going through this Jim. I see my partner going through this with his dad also and his father is 70 years old... I would have thought the alchoholism would kill him by now but he just goes on in a perpetual state pretty much just like you described your dad. Of course, since he's not my father, I can see that it's likely he will wind up dying from alcholism one way or another (accident, suicide, liver failure...) and even if he doesn't - alcohol took his life away anyhow. It's not likely he will go back to AA and get sober but, of course, miracles do happen and I see folks getting sober in their 60s, 70s, and 80s in meetings...and I'm not talking about forced sobriety from being in a nursing home or having dementia so bad you forget to drink or whatever. So I guess my message is that it can happen but it probably won't. I also know my parents are going to die as they are both getting older (in their 70s) even though they are not alcoholics. We are all united in this and you are not alone. There is hope, but you also know where to keep your expectations and you are a very strong and resilient young man.
David.