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New to this program (Al-Non) and chat room. I am not new to living with an alcoholic but I am new to living with someone who is putting fourth an effort of becoming a recovering alcoholic. I have been married to this person for six years now. I still worry that he is going to not be at home when I get home from work on any given day. I get all anxietied up about it. I take pills for it which I should not have to do but what can one do to quit worrying about their alco.I been told to let go, let God. It is easier than it is done . Words are cheap.I know one day this problem will go away if he wants to stay sober but one does wonder being on the other side of the fence. I use to wait up for him when he was out drinking. Call him several times to see if he needed a ride. It would bug the hell out of him and he would stay longer for my punishment. I use to wonder if the ambulance I was hearing was the one going to pick him up from having a wreck as he drank and drove. I use to wonder if the siren on cop car was the one going to pick him up and arrest him with a DUI. The one time I heard his name being mentioned on the scanner. SCARY. He has had 3 DUI's since we have been together. AS I type this, I am shaking in my seat thinking about my worries. He has dropped the so called friends luckily, he had. They jumped ship when he was no longer able to ride them around in his truck to look for/get scrap to turn in for money at junk yard to supply money for drinking alco. and drugs. What kind of friend is that, I call those friends losers!!! Are they the one that will go to jail for drinking and driving ??? The answer is NO. Are they the one that will lose their license for years, NO. Are they the ones that will be paying lawyer / court cost, probation cost, health department cost for therapy, money for riding him around for several meetings a day and so fourth. I am sure they will be the ones having their hands out when he gets his truck again and out of jail and off of probation and wanting to leave off from where they departed last!!! What does anyone think of this??? I know I am suppose to worry about me now and my well being but I am afraid to let go and let God..
-- Edited by leeannalove on Wednesday 13th of March 2013 12:56:35 AM
"I know I am suppose to worry about me now and my well being but I am afraid to let go and let God.."
Aloha Leeann and welcome to the board. One of the first things I had to learn was how not to be afraid and to do something different than what I had been doing which wasn't working...imagine...doing things that were not working. I thought I knew it all and when I got into the Al-Anon Family Groups I came to understand that I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know. I was completely clueless about alcohol and drug addiction and when I found out that it was all about disease the whole picture changed. It wasn't about being dumb or weak or morally bad, it was about an registered Medical Journal disease...A compulsion of the mind, allergy of the body which could not be cured and only arrested by total abstinence. The alcoholic had lost the ability to decide whether they drank or not...mine, she was controlled/owned by the chemical addiction. I learned as much as I could about the disease and it helped me to understand. I also came to understand that my wife becoming clean and sober was all about her desire and willingness to be that and if she did not, because alcoholism and drug addiction is a fatal disease the chances were very good that she would die from it. Letting go and Letting God is a program slogan and practice. Those of us who are able to do that doubt it at first and then trust it secondly and now walk it on a daily basis. We take our lives back from the disease and start to live them for ourselves using a Higher Power (God as we understand God) as we come to understand God.
Everyone starts off at some place and time...I started at the white pages of my local telephone book where I found the hotline number for Al-Anon. I called and got the meeting places and times where they got together in my area and when at the very first chance. I didn't have a clue as to what was going on so I sat and listen to the others in the fellowship share their stories, experiences, strenght and hope and I kept coming back. Of course there is more to my story and this is about your's now. White pages of your local telephone book; ...Al-Anon...call the number. Keep coming back here also. (((((hugs)))))
Hi Leeanna, Im sorry you are going through this and welcome to the forum. You sound as if you live in constant fear and anxiety. I remember feeling similar to this at the height of my ex ah drinking.
I know for me I was obsessed about him and I watched his every move. I never lived my life I lived in his life watching and waiting for him to make his move. I never ever stopped to think 'So what if he drinks, its his choice and his decision and I will survive regardless so therefore I will try to enjoy my own day and fill it with things that make me happy' To me then, this would have sounded ridiculous, how can I possibly enjoy my day when this a is ruining my life? I was so full of self pity and resentment I could hardly hold my head up when I wallked down the street. Alanon has helped me so much and I feel as if I have escaped a life sentence. I left my ex in the end, I would never advise anyone to leave but I can now see how messed up my thinking was, I was insane. I would strongly recommend going to an Alanon meeting, it is for you, to help and support you. Good luck.x
