The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I worked an early shift and im outside parked I dont want to get off cuz their isnt anyone to greet me or even care if im home. I texted a friend but they haven't texted back yet. I even called my AH but he has his phone off. I hate the feelings that I have right now. I want to be part of something but im not. We dont have kids, so I dont have anyone at home. Its my own isolation that keeps me from being a part of anything along with the feelings of shame and rejection from the AH. Thank u for listening.
((((Texasgal))))...You'll be okay...I know what you're feeling cause I was also there myself. Isn't it strange that I did not love the person that I wanted so much to be loved by my alcoholic and addict...I got tight with the fellowship and got phone numbers and at times we use to hang out together and have coffee and talk program and progress. They taught mne about the difference twix "needing" and loving. I was practicing "needing" and Love had nothing to do with it. Today it is so very different. Today I can love myself without needing someone else to do it. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
We love you because you are you...stay in touch. I know what it is like to feel lonely and the confusion of how to create a life that is not lonely and isolated Through the 12-steps I can say my life is no longer lonely (I still have brief periods of loneliness but it is because I am not reaching for healthy people) and I adore me. Keep doing what you did (when you posted). Acknowledge your feelings, accept them, then take the appropriate action. I used to have trouble with the accepting part, now I can laugh at the hard core feelings and call myself silly. Life can get so gloomy living with an addict...find some fun, dance, get silly. hugs
Tracy - you are describing how I felt just in the break up and the few months after with my ex-A. I had given over so much of myself, my identity, my friends,....for me I'd even submerged myself in drinking to keep the relationship going (but I had my own alcoholism too clearly). Anyhow, I felt so desperately lonely, scared, and sad for a few months. I just had so much of myself invested in that relationship and I didn't know who I was anymore. I was terrified to be alone and also terrified to reach out. It was a really rough spot. The good news: I kept going to meetings and doing things that maybe were uncomfortable, but better than the alternative. People reached back and life got much better. You will get through this. You will look less towards the painful relationship and the person that hurt you and you will slowly look more towards your goals, your new friends and the new life you build apart from him. The growth will be a day at a time and sometimes it's painful like you are describing. BUT - you ARE doing it. Even if you don't see an end in sight to the fear and pain, I do cuz I've been there and can tell you that a new and better life awaits. It doesn't sound like you are really doing anything all that self-sabotaging. You are just going through some harsh growing pains and acceptance. Hence, time and continued support WILL heal your wounds. Have faith (oh yeah and let's not forget your HP is a huge source of comfort and relief if and when you need it).
texasgal, I SO understand what you're saying. My A finally left last August. He was having severe health problems due to his drinking and left to go back to the U.S. where he could get much needed health care. I live in Central America in an area between two small villages. I felt (and was) very isolated. Right after he left I was a wreck, all I could do was cry. I finally allowed myself a certain amount of time to be useless, and cry, grieve, whatever. After that time was up I started contacting friends again. They were very supportive and I began to have a life again. I still cried, but not all day every day as I had been doing. I hope you will continue to reach out to friends. Just because your text wasn't returned immediately doesn't mean your friend doesn't care. It's hard to remember that other people have busy lives when we are hurting so and want and need friendship and attention right now. Hang in there, and keep coming here. Post as much as you like, we're here for you. You are NOT alone. I know this may sound like a tired cliche, but it does get better in time. Sending you many hugs.
. Keep doing what you did (when you posted). Acknowledge your feelings, accept them, then take the appropriate action. I used to have trouble with the accepting part, now I can laugh at the hard core feelings and call myself silly. Life can get so gloomy living with an addict...find some fun, dance, get silly. hugs