The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AH is leaving for rehab on Friday. It was either rehab or his own apartment. He is going to a really nice and expensive facility because he wouldn't go to a place that wasn't fancy. He is walking around my life feeling sorry for himself. Talking about how hard it is going to be for him and is upset with me for not giving him the usual pep talk. He is in general a glass half empty guys although he would deny that was true. I am dragged down daily with his negative point of view.
Anyway, I am trying to be kind in spite of his barbs and annoying pity party. But I am angry that all he talks about is how hard this is for him and how it is going to suck. I reminded him that this is anopportunity to deal with all his baggage. He is putting us in a lot of debt so I hope he doesn't waste the next 28 days!
I guess I'm frustrated that he hasn't even once asked me if I'm ok and how I will deal with our lives, kids, schedules, money, etc. while he is gone. He is an energy suck! He doesn't even want me to talk to my friends about what is going on(that isn't going to happen) I'm going to talk to my friends about my life.
Why not just tell him you are worried about the kids, schedules, money...etc. You don't say it in a mean and nasty way (even if he might take it that way) but that is your truth and if it's gonna build a resentment to act all "happy and supportive" when you don't feel that way...don't do it. You have a right to speak your mind and share your feelings too. It's his problem if he can't deal with him. It's not going to help or hurt him to see the reality of how others are affected (even if he lacks the perspective or ability to comprehend, deal, and/or step up to that reality).
In my early recovery - people generally broke it down to me like it was. I either threw a baby tantrum, accepted the truth, or I threw a baby tantrum and accepted the truth later.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 13th of March 2013 08:49:47 AM
My sponsor in a discussion with me as to whether my wife was alcoholic and addict taught me, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...chances are it's a duck"!! and so I learned and accepted that my spouse was alcoholic/addict without second guessing it. The other thing I learned was that when she was complaining that life just wasn't interested in giving her what she needed I wasn't hearing her complaints...I was hearing...Quack Quack Quack!!
Try that the next time he starts complaining around you...lol ((((hugs))))
