The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There seem to be a lot of posts these days looking for some clarity around what Al-Anon is, and what it is not....
The first segment (in italics) is taken directly from the Al-Anon website, and gives an overview of what Al-Anon is.....
The second segment is just some random thoughts that I threw together, of what Al-Anon is NOT.
Hope this helps.
Tom
What is Al-Anon?
Al-Anon is self-help recovery program for people who believe their lives may have been affected by someone else's drinking. We come together to find help and support in dealing with the effects of alcoholism on our lives. The single purpose of these programs is to help families and friends of alcoholics, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.
Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps
The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.
Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization or institution, does not engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership. Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions.
Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.
What is Al-Anon NOT? (in no particular order, and this is simply my thrown-together list)
1. Al-Anon does not "should" anyone, as in, there are no right or wrong answers. It is a program of gentle reflection, encouragement, and sharing of experiences. We learn tools so that we can focus more of our time and energy on the one person we CAN change - ourselves.
2. Al-Anon does not teach us to be weak, or accept unacceptable behavior. In fact, it is a program that encourages us to get ourselves healthy, and learn to re-prioritize ourselves at the top of our list....
3. Al-Anon does not advocate "staying" or "leaving", as those choices are very individual and unique to each person/situation.
4. Al-Anon doesn't advocate giving the active A's in our lives a "free pass", or "letting them off the hook. In fact, it is a program that encourages us to learn tools to "allow the alcoholic to bear the consequences of his/her behaviors".
5. Al-Anon does not denounce us for doing things "wrong". In fact, Al-Anon simply suggests that there might be a better, healthier way to consider... We are always free and clear to make our own choices.
6. Al-Anon, per se, doesn't hold us accountable for our actions/behaviors. In fact, it helps us learn how to take personal responsibility for our part. One of the great tools is "gentle reflection", where we are encouraged to examine our own motives, etc.
7. Al-Anon doesn't tell us to "not check for bottles" or anything like that.... In fact, it helps teach us skills to redirect our focus and energy onto ourselves and our dependants, as opposed to our A's....
8. Al-Anon is NOT a program to help your A stop drinking/using. In fact, as the preamble states above, it is a program to help family/friends of alcoholics, whether the A is drinking or not.
9. Al-Anon is not a sect, cult, or required program. It is always ours to utilize never forced. There is a good old fashioned guideline that newcomers might want to try it for six meetings, as that will give them a pretty full idea of what to expect.
I'm sure there are lots more, but wanted to get this out there. Al-Anon has done me a tremendous amount of good - particularly in the areas of anger, denial, and personal responsibility.
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Al-anon is such a learning experience for me. I am getting more help learning about myself than any counselor ever did. It's hard to explain because I'm not that good at explaining myself on paper but I know old timers will understand what I getting out of Al-anon. My whole life is changing.....not just with my AS but with life in general. My anger with morning traffic, my worry about getting the job finished at work or my co-worker driving me crazy today.
I don't know what I'm saying but I can say ....." If it works and I work it, it will be well worth it
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
A good topic. Ok this is a tricky question... would you encourage someone into Alanon if alcohol was only one of 'the drugs of choice', of the family member?
If the 'drug of choice' was not alcohol, at least much of the time?
Thank you for this clarification...well said. David, I am not Tom, but I can speak to this. I entered into al anon as a result of my husbands multiple addictions, alcohol being one of them and I found it be life saving for me. I tried other 12-step groups and kept returning to al anon. I hope this helps.
David... I am absolutely with Paula on this one.... I think Al-Anon is a wonderful program, regardless of the addiction...
One of the old sayings that my sponsor used to remind me of was: "addiction is addiction is addiction", and I would fully agree - I don't think there are very dramatic differences between the addictive nature of alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, etc., etc...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Right on the money, Canadian Guy! I'd like to add to your #2 above, if I may... and I'm taking this out of page 9, of the CAL book from Survival to Recovery, Preface, A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence...
"Al-Anon's gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean arranging for a safe house with a neighbor of friend, calling for police protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be collected at any time in case of emergency. It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situation once and for all-- only how to to get out of harm's way until this process of awareness, acceptance, and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with.
Anyone who has been physically aor sexually abused or even threatened may be terrified of taking any action at all. It can require every ounce of courage and faith to act decisively. But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe."
Having been a victim of domestic violence in the past, this was comforting to me to read this. Our welfare and those of our children must come first. Thanks for broaching this topic.
Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
And Yes I"m with all on this Subject David... Our Community is Very Small as well & the Fact that we only have (3) al-anon meetings "Local" to me! but if I am Willing to drive further I could prob find a couple more, but in our Al-Anon Group, we dont turn Anyone away that is looking for help whether they are there for an alcoholic or otherwise...
That is what I LOVE about this Program, Its NOT just for Alcoholics familys because now adays the alcoholics also have MANY other addictions So I'm Grateful we are THAT kinda Program!
This Program has Changed My Life! ONLY For the better! Without it, I would be Still drawned my Sorrows in the bottom of a bottle, but Al-Anon.. NOT AA... Got me Sober almost 2-1/2 yrs ago! So Al-Anon TRULY Saved My LIfe!
