Aloha MIP Family and I am posting this as a response to some why questions DebLisa posted below that reminded me of when I was asking my own versions of the "Why" questions as a newbie in Al-Anon.   

 

I am a double winner...a member of both Al-Anon and AA with AA coming after 9 years of being alcohol free in Al-Anon.  Why?  I finally took my own inventory and not my alcoholic/addicts (that was over) and wasn't living with an active alcoholic then.  I finally took the 44 question "Do you have a problem..." test and surprise, surprise...the window pane got clear and I got to see how compulsive, addictived drinking affected me and how I affected others thru it.

 

When I was compulsed to drink that way I drank it was the most important thing for me to do.  It was as strong a compulsion as picking up a bonus check or winning a street drag race or showing a police officer I was more powerful than they were or owning the most powerful gun in my group of friends or getting sex when I wanted sex and...or popping the cap on my beer of identity...San Miguel; made in the Philipines or showing my family and friends that the best bottle in the house was my Pinch (bourbon) bottle...it cost the most and I needed to have it!!  Addiction starts out with a compulsion of the mind and the rest comes second nature...by habit...without thinking of anything.  Others had their wants and wishes from me including family, friends and associates and government and church and drinking came first...why? ...just because.  I was way beyond explaining and it wasn't because I didn't like you or that your why questions were bothersome...it because I had to answer the call of the alcohol...it was natural...it was need and answering need comes first...everyone understands that.  Alcohol-ism is the practice of having alcohol in my life regardless of the consequences.  There were many times I would be of the same mind set as my wife and family and still alcohol won.  I drank when I didn't need to or want to.  It's like having sex with a wife when you felt real bad about the relationship and you did it any way...why?  One reason is what the consquence would be if I didn't...the pain of not.  See part of the addiction is that if you don't fulfill the compulsion to drink it often will hurt you bad because alcohol is an anesthetic...a pain killer.  Often times life itself brings more than enough pain than what we wish to go thru and we need a "killer" and for alcoholics literally the "killer" is the chemical and the practice of using it, over using it, abusing it etc.  

I am chemically tolerant physically.  What that means is that it would take more of a chemical to bring me to the same level as the rest of the group and often not.  My alcoholic/addict wife "chased" my drinking...she wished she could drink like me.  She could not and that is one of the things that saved her life.  It would have killed her...I have overdosed on alcohol three times and didn't know it was happening.  Alcohol can and will kill often painlessly and the family and friends and associates will stand around and ask "Why?" did he do that or "How can he do that"?  I had to get those answers in Al-Anon and then AA and in college.  Yes college and every piece of literature I could get my hands on first to understand why and how SHE drinks and uses the way she does forgets I'm in her life and then for me and how I drank the way I drank and forgot I had a life in the first place.

I loved alcohol from the very first drink I had in my life at the age of 9.  My grandmother thought that her grandchildren were ready to be introduced to a culture practice for our family and probably couldn't even say the word alcoholic or alcoholism while she was doing it and then I remember my mother trying her utmost to stop my grandmother from giving us that wine.  Why?  She knew where she came from and what she had been thru and didn't want more of the same.  She got more of the same from 2 of three of her male children until the day she died.  It would have been 3 of 3 except for the programs of Al-Anon and AA in her life.  She got one son who turned out the way she wished and that one was me after the efforts of the fellowships.

I don't wish this disease on my worse enemy and certainly not on the lives of the family I have grown to love and be grateful for in the past 3 decades; you all and the fellowships. The short lesson for me was "Get in (the program), stay in and listen and learn and then...practice, p;ractice, practice"...Thanks for me being able to share.  ((((hugs)))) 

Thank you Jerry for everything you have done here on MIP. You give us hope and the courage to change our way of thinking.

I'm also so so glad your here

 Thanks Jerry, for your share. At the end of this week I am heading off to our assembly- being held at the marae- meeting house of the local tribe Kai Tahu. I too have addictive behaviours- they did not manifest themselves into alcoholism, but i have all of the symptoms. I look forward to the assembly. it is on our most southern seaport where i still have relatives, and memories.

We all share the healing from the disease- together.

 

thanks mate,

DavidG. 

Oh ((((((((((Brother)))))))))).......

Everytime you speak from your Heart, You Sing to mine! I Can so Relate to many of the things that Have come My Way in life that really don't seem much differant from yours... I Adore your Honesty, Your Clarity, Your Journey, Your Program! & Your Recovery!

Thank You for being a Blessing in my Journey, You So Drive me to stick with it! I too Got Sober In Al-Anon 2yrs 4+months ago.. I have not Found My Way yet to AA, But i Know its In my Future, I Still feel I have so Growing to do here First, around these Parts not many 12step programs available, and I work daylight so even Less in the evennings, but I know HP will get me there when I 'm Ready! You Give me Great HOPE :) And im Very Grateful...

Much Love & Prayers to you my Brother...

Jozie