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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Codependent/Rumination
Post Info TOPIC: Codependent/Rumination
oldergal


Senior Member

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Codependent/Rumination
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Character defect and underlying symptom of the disease of alcoholism and drug abuse.  

 I looked up Codependency, because that is what I was doing I was being codependent. Which means to me, that I was putting my self in my son's shoes and feeling emotionally and almost physically like his problems were MY problems I worried about him all day as if his experience was happening to me. I had to STOP that thinking it was making me insane. I could not and can not control his experience he is a separate person from me. 

 

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typicallynarcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessivecompliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

When I really believed this is what was happening to me and did not deny it anymore, things started changing. But I couldnt deny that I was thinking in this distorted way. Ruminating

Rumination is defined as the compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one's distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions.[1] Rumination is similar to worry except rumination focuses on bad feelings and experiences from the past, whereas worry is concerned with potential bad events in the future.[1] Both rumination and worry are associated withanxiety and other negative emotional states.[1]

 Some basic info here to remind everyone some effects of the disease you may be experiencing.                    Getting down on my knees and praying to my HP, and being around like-minded people was helpful too. Reading Al-Anon literature over and over again until it brought me out of the haze I was in and woke me up to say to my self "I don't like whats happening and only I can change it, I am not a victim!" I refuse to feel sorry for myself...Of course no one said it was going to be easy and it hasn't been.....In Support, Oldergal



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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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A mother's job is to care for. Furthermore, when we are in pain, or see a painful situation, our instinct is to focus attention on it until it gets better. It is only when these instincts go awry that we get terms like codependent and the consequential rumination over our relationships and other people. When I realized I had codependent traits, I beat myself up about it at first. Then eventually I had to remember that it all came from a place of normal caring and just snowballed into something unhealthy. Keeping it balanced is critical.

It's normal and healthy to care and to love, expecially for your children. How to separate that from when your love and caring gets taken advantage of and turns into an attempt to stick a bandaid on a larger problem?...That is a difficult concept and a difficult task. To love, get hurt, sometimes get used, be disappointed...these are human experiences we all have and stuggles that are common amongst us and it is why we have the power to help each other when we sometimes can't seem to help ourselves.

You know the saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?" Well....I also think it can be true if stated "Tis better to have loved and at times realized you were codependent than never have loved at all" also. I would rather be codependent than just not care at all.

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Findinghope


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Thanks for this. I'm just starting to unpack my own codependency issues, in therapy and through al-anon, and its been a tough process so far to see how my own reactions have contributed, or caused in some situations, to my emotional distress. I've been slowly reading "codependent no more" to give myself time to reflect on how ths disease of alcoholism has distorted my thinking , and its helped to be gentle on myself as I go about it. I grew up in an alcoholic home and am now newly married to an alcoholic in early recovery who also suffers from combat-related PTSD, so I know I won't be Able to change my own behavior overnight. Codependency and living in the midst of alcoholic crises were all i knew for half of my life and its going to take time to find myself again, and start putting myself first. im also making myself be as gentle with myself as my codependency wants to be with my AH, whom i love dearly. One of the most helpful phrases for me, as of late, is "progress not perfection" In the few months I've been in AL-Anon, I've learned just how to live with this disease without losing my own sanity.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Codependent/Rumination