The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found your Al-Anon message board tonight, and I am so grateful. My husband has been an alcoholic for around seven years, even though I only really started accepting that it was alcoholism a few years ago. We will be married 10 years this September, and I am so exhausted from what this disease has done to our family. I have already accepted that I cannot do anything to make him seek treatment, and he will not seek treatment for his drinking. I have been wanting to get help for myself for some time, but have not lived near a place where I could conveniently go to Al-Anon meetings. Even now, I am about an hour away from the closest one, so I am relieved I have found this alternative.
In a nutshell, I love my husband, but I despise what alcohol has done to him, to me, and to our marraige. I have done everything I can think of to try and get him to "wake up," but all attempts have been in vain. One night, I thought to myself, "If my husband doesn't stop drinking, or at least seek treatment, can I stay married to him?" Sadly, the answer is no. I know there are many people who stay in relationships with alcoholics their entire lives, many of them successfully. But, I cannot even stand the smell it anymore, and after all of the lies, the broken promises, the fighting, etc., I just want peace.
Right now, as I am typing this, my husband is passed out, after drinking all afternoon. Today, he is angry at me, because I have started establishing higher boundaries to protect myself from the abuse that stems from his disease, and he believes if he makes my life miserable, I will falter.
I do not want to falter. I want to learn the skills and take the steps necessary to properly deal with what has happened, and what continues to happen, to my life as a result of alcoholism. I have very little family left, no real friends, and no one to help me though this valley. I am turning 35 in August, I have no children, I have only started rebuilding my career from home this year, and I am in the worst physical shape of my life. I am suffering from this disease more than he is, and I am not in the place emotionally, physically, or financially to be able to stand on my own. Yet, I cannot continue on with life this way, and I know I still have time to get well, and to shape the life I believe God wants me to have. I want to live!
Thank you again for offering this board to people like me. Out of the ashes rises the Phoenix!
Welcome to MIP....glad you have joined us. You will find very loving people here that know exactly what your going through and we are here to help each other.
I'm sorry you live so far away from face to face meetings but they do have online meetings here twice a day. They can be of great help and confort to you.
I'm sure you will receive a whole bunch of ESH here so,
Take care of you and keep coming back..you are not alone.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you so very much, Cathyinaz, for your words of support and encouragement. I went to my first online meeting tonight, and I look forward to attending many others, and working the 12 Steps.
Welcome, Precious. Keep coming back. With the tools and steps of Al-Anon, things do get better. He's going to drink, what are YOU going to do? Be kind to yourself and don't make any major decisions until you have been in Al-Anon for at least six months. You WILL find clarity. Sending you lots of support right now.
Hi there...i live yoyr lufe. Your story us mine exccept im 41 with an eight ywar old. I know my marriage is over yet I continue to stay...i think I want out but I keep refusing to take that step. Having a child in the picture changes the getting out to sharing...and im not there. As physically and emotionally sick as I am from his disease...i get worse at the thought of sharing my child in any way shape or form. I hear the desperation in your post...i live it everyday. My husband is out drking 3_4 nites a werk...its no marriage. Hes home hungover on the nights hes not out. Hes a dad a a husband for a few hrs at a time...its a horrible way to life...yet I keep staying guess ive got a problem too
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
