Dear friends

I've been so consumed with the out of control behavior of my husband lately, but at this moment I am feeling so grateful and peaceful, I have to share that positive news. 

I am so grateful for all your support, encouragement and honesty. You have helped me get through the past days and weeks without going insane. I am also grateful for the face to face meeting I have on Saturday mornings. Today I shared about what is happening with AH, and the love in that room was boundless. For all those who are considering a f2f, please go, don't miss out on the miracle of being surrounded by people who know and understand. I cried and the people on either side put their arms around me and I realized I haven't been hugged like that in so very long. I am not an outwardly affectionate person, my AH is the only one who ever gave me big hugs, and we haven't been hugging much at all lately. So those hugs at the meeting today were priceless. I'd forgotten how much human connection we all really need.

After the meeting I called my younger sister. We have not always been close, in fact, I've never shared anything with her about my AH and the troubles we've been having, until he called her one night recently, drunk. I'd kicked him out and he phoned her for a shoulder to cry on. He admitted every bad thing he's done, and he cried and cried about how he was afraid he'd ruined our marriage. My poor sister, who has been fooled for 20 years into thinking I had a 'perfect' marriage, was completely shocked. But I am grateful that AH bared his soul to her, because now she knows all the ugly truth and we can talk and she is an amazing listener. She was active in Alateen back when we were kids, and we were growing up with our alcoholic father and controlling mother. She learned program at a young age, while I learned to enable. And we've both followed those paths. Until now. I tell her about the miracles that are happening everyday in my life, the skills and tools I'm learning at Alanon and the baby steps I'm making. She listens and encourages and supports. I see her through new eyes now and I believe that is a gift from my HP. 

And finally, my AH just called from the hospital and we talked a bit. He is angry, embarrased, all of it, and I used my Alanon tools, "I can see how you would feel that way", "You might be right" etc. etc. and the conversation went well. Another miracle. The serenity remains.

Hugs my friends!