The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was a very hard day. AH is so angry with me about this court case. Things did not go well today, mainly because AH is so egotistical and thought he should represent himself in front of the judge. Never a good idea.
I am giving it all to my HP and trying so hard to do the next right thing. Not react, think, breathe, be calm, let go and let God. All of it.
After court, AH is barely speaking to me. He threatened to leave and get 'xxxx' up, I said please don't, you've done so well for the past two weeks. Just stay home and be safe. He says he can't be around me now, because I am a trigger for him. I am using my program, staying away from him, not engaging, and keeping my self occupied with other things. Went for a one hour walk in the rain, just to be out of his way and get my head clear. Just now, AH left, saying "I'm going out. Don't worry, I won't do anything bad, I'm just going to see a friend. You just don't realize how angry I am."
I am trusting that he will do the next right thing.
Normally, when we argue and he leaves like this, I call his brother, who is a recovering addict. BIL is very supportive and listens to me. But after, I always regret sharing the details of our private life with my AH's brother, feeling like I've broken a trust and damaged the relationship between the two of them. AH hates that I call his brother. Everytime I swear to myself that I won't call him, then I panic, imagine my AH drunk and dead on the side of the road, and there I am calling his brother to rescue me and him. Today I am proud of myself that I didn't make that call. Instead I can vent, and rant, and write half thought out paragraphs to get these worries and fears out of my head. I'm realizing it is not always good to include family in this disease, at least not in the heat of the moments, because when I do that I forfeit my ability to reason and think things through.
I have good friends and family who can listen and advise, but I have an HP who will always guide me on the right path, if I am just quiet and listen.
-- Edited by ParisMemories on Thursday 7th of March 2013 07:30:53 AM
I know this is probably the hardest thing you have ever done and all you can is do the next right thing. He's going to do what he's going to do. If he wants to drink nothing is going to stop him. You didn't cause it, you won't control it and you aren't going to cure it. It's not your responsibility. I know that sounds soooo weird especially when you love someone who is an addict and want to keep them from hurting themselves.
Please know you aren't alone. It's very hard to follow through and whatever he does or doesn't do it's all about him and the lies the disease is telling him.
Each time I have watched STBAX in court all I can think is Omgosh please stop .. just stop. It's just one of those things .. until he learns to do different he's going to continue to do the same thing. I have to accept that this is how he thinks.
You and your AH are in my prayers .. keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
He came home an hour later, sober. We avoided each other for the afternoon, and I made myself some soup for dinner. Later he came to the living room and asked if I wanted to watch tv with him. I said yes, and he turned to the new Historry Channel series, The Bible. The message I kept hearing during that episode was "Trust in God". Very loud message from HP. :)
From "I can't be around you" too " you want to watch some TV". After the hurt and anger go's the reality sets in for him and he can think. You let him think about his problem. You didn't tell him what he needs to do or not to do. You left him alone with his thoughts. Little tense but better in the long run. Not the fighting which is the worst....at least in my case.
You love him dearly...but you have to let him work this out alone. You can't and never will be able to help him. I know..I've tried my best.
Continue to take care of you and get yourself better and in shape so your better able to handle whatever comes your way.
Detach with love and take control of you....that's what I have to do and it's a very hard work on my part. Just as hard as trying to fix the A.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
