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4 days ago my husband admitted to me and his family that he is an alcoholic. He has started AA meetings and is trying to foucs on getting himself help. The thing I am struggling with is that he has asked that we do not speak or see each other for a month as he needs to foucs on himself and can not worry about me. This really does not sit well with me as I do not understand why he is pushing me away and does not want my support.... We have been togther for 9 1/2 years and I feel like I have been thrown aside. He is not cutting off any other relationships which seems weird to me as some of hes friends are alcoholics who will never admit it. I feel very unappreciated and unloved and I am unsure what to do. Is this normal behavoiur? Am I being self fish? Any advise would be appreicated.
Best advice I can give you is to go to an Al Anon meeting in your area. You will find support there and hear other people's experiences and be able to learn from them. Since my AH has never chosen recovery or AA, I can't really comment on what's normal or not but I do know that you will find support in Al Anon and that it is worth it to go to meetings FOR YOU. Also, the books by Toby Rice Drews called "Getting them Sober" are really great for helping us understand the alcoholic. I'm sorry that you're struggling, I've heard similar stories and I have to say that nothing alcoholics do really fits the word normal very much, so I don't put much stock in 'normal', LOL.
Hi Tania. I know you want answers and I'm guessing you are afraid that your rel is at risk but the best thing to do is to do nothing where he is concerned. Honor his wishes that he is trying to save his life here. He will respect you big time for it. His head is very cloudy right now no matter how sane he seems. He's coming out of a mental fog.
I agree that going to alanon and taking care of yourself too, and talking to other women with AHs will help you a lot.
Most of all, trust in God. He is in charge. Believe that things will work out for the best and do not fret.
HI Tania! I hope you are able to see where you can take care of you. I don't think it is uncommon for the alcoholic to pull back. He probably feels the need to do it alone. My AH is different but the same. He reaches out for help & includes me in his recovery. Again, take time for yourself as he goes through this process. And, try to go to an Alanon meeting for you.
I encourage you to seek help & maybe read Getting them sober like someone else mentioned.
Hi Tania
My AH is one week out of detox and 2 weeks sober. He still hasnt admitted he has a problem with drinkinking, to him this is all related to his bipolar and mild schizophrenia diagnosis. He is in a day outpatient program, home at night. He tells me he cant be around me because I am his trigger, i drive him to drink. We have been married 20 years, 18 of them were good. The last two have been hell forboth of us. I am respecting his need to be away from me right now. He came home briefly after todays program, we had a calm but very quiet dinner together. He barely spoke to me. Then he left for a couple hours to visit a friend he met at detox and who is still inpatient. He came home and went to the basement to watch sports. Maybe he will come to bed tonight or maybe not. Honestly, I kind of enjoy the peacefulness and time alone for myself. Sure, I miss spending time with him, but our times together in the past few months have been so ugly and full of turmoil... I am trying to do what others suggest, be gentle with myself, be kind, be detached. Hang in there, you will be ok.
I'm in kind of the same boat as you so any advice you give please help me. My boyfriend and I were together for a couple years friends for 15 years and have kids together. He started drinking and just realized he needs to change and told me we cant still be together either. We live together though as neither of us is financially able to move. I'm confused and find myself unable to do most of my normal daily activities even around the house. I'm shocked and cry a lot. I feel that we can do tis together as a couple as I dont drink anyway and I want him better but he doesnt want to he says this is what he needs. I'm beating myself up and cant help but let my mind question if he's seeing someone ellse even though I know hes not it still hard to believe that he can give up on me so easy. I hope things get better for you and as you learn things please help me
