What you decide about it is between your HP and you. Trying to find logical answers and a course of action with him will likely be futile. You will either get more broken promises - or he will say hurtful or insane things like "If I were you, I would stop nagging and finally give a little trust" or "If I were you I'd focus on (insert some insecurity or problem that you might have) and not worry so much about my having a few beers every now and then (notice gross underestimation of actual drinking LOL)" or "If I were you I would quit being so selfish cuz it's not like I'm hurting you when I drink. I'm only doing it to myself. (A typical delusion most alcoholics perpetuate all the way up until the end)"

This is how the active alcoholic thinks and that is the twisted logic you will get when they are in the grips of their disease. Don't expect him to be capable of true perspective taking and what it must be like to be in your shoes. If you read other posts on here, you see that we have qualifiers that are manipulating folks to the tune of traveling across the country to take care of them, letting them back in their lives despite histories of violent abuse (aggression, screaming, name calling), plowing through life savings, disrupting the lives of their parents, children, siblings with their whirlwind of self-sabotage.... Do you think these alcoholics would do these things if they had any ability to take the perspective of others? It is truly sad that when a person falls more and more under the grips of alcohol and/or addiction, they lose that ability to focus on and be of service to others. This is why once we are in recovery, we (alcoholics) try and live a life centered around service and thinking more about others. This is also why, once in alanon, we turn the focus on us because nothing we do can stop the whirlwind of destruction from continuing to whirl, but we can learn tools to step out of the way of the storm (metaphorically speaking).

Putting off your meetings or stepwork or making it all contingent upon his drinking is not helpful to you. Would you want him to put off working steps, getting a sponsor and going to AA meetings depending on your behavior? No. You are able to have that perspective since you are not the alcoholic. You want him to recover for himself but think it's rational to slow down your recovery depending on whether or not you can influence or change him with a letter. That is your own issue and that is part of your sickness that could be addressed in Alanon. Your needs come first and they do not need to be contingent upon him and what he does or does not do. Life is short and there is much out there to enjoy. Holding off on you getting well is denying yourself a full life and being happy joyous and free due to him. Take care of you no matter what. The best thing you could do for him and you is to plunge full force into Alanon and work it with the same veracity and effort you'd want to see him doing for his own recovery. If you model recovery, it is more likely he will be attracted to the notion. Hence, you not having a sponsor, not going to lots of meetings etc only tells him that he can make proclamations of getting sober without doing the work (just like you are half-working alanon and not getting results). If all you do is take little pieces of alanon and don't fully surrender (as step 1 suggests) you are just doing the same thing as him (albeit with less damaging and selfish consequences). True recovery is in the rooms, in the steps, and in having a sponsor. Do it all and don't expect any real recovery from him unless he starts doing the same. Nobody that is as progressed in their alcoholism succeeds in just "quitting" or "going on the wagon." He will need full recovery and a drastic psychic/lifechanging/spiritual shift. Until then, you are both stuck in a cycle of sickness. Get yourself well and then make choices about what to do regarding him.