On vacation with my Mom, need advice, please help me. - Al-Anon Family Group

missm1234 · Newbie

On vacation with my Mom, need advice, please help me.

StargazerLily · Veteran Member

We are supposed to share with you some of our own experiences so that you may learn from something we've been through.

Never been on a vacation with my mother. When holidays would come around I would go over to their house knowing that they would be drinking. In order to get through that I would first accept the reality of it and try not to pass judgement on them. If my mom got too drunk and started getting belligerent I would try to detach and just listen to her without reacting. I've always been a good listener and it seems to help during those times. I would try to focus on positive things. But we were always walking on egg shells, afraid to say the wrong thing. She's like a time bomb but you never know when she's gonna go off or how bad it will be.

Since you're already there with her just be kind and gentle with her. Try to have fun and don't focus on negative things as much as possible. Our thoughts become our reality. Think happy thoughts.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Missm

Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am glad you found us and reached out Alanon and this Board have been formed to help those of us who live with the disease of alcoholism . Living with this disease we have become infected and need a program of recovery of our own. AA is the program for the alcoholic and Alanon is for families. Here we learn that we are powerless over this disease and what we can do to protect ourselves and live our lives with courage serenity and wisdom

There are face to face meetings throughout the world so I would suggest that you check out alanon meetings in your vacation town and You can also find them by going to this site.

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

And placing your cursor over about us in the upper left of the screen, 3 more pull downs open. One of these is information for the newcomer, and the second is Al-Anon for you; both have good information

We also have on line meetings here 2xs a day. It is important to take care of yourself and let mom take care of herself. Ask yourself what you expected her to do when you agreed to this vacation? What did you want to do for yourself on this trip? How can you enjoy this trip ? Keep the focus on your life, live the vacation one day at a time, and reach out for support

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Missm...welcome to the board again. Betty got you the site where you can find meetings in your area and too if you go down to the main check-in counter and ask them if there is an Al-Anon meeting in the hotel or a schedule of meetings in the area they may have it. Al-Anon Public Information often leaves that information at hotels, motle and such. Another thing...you mom isn't in denial she knows and knows that she knows and this disease of compulsion works inspite of that. Relate to her as if she knows and act as if. Try doing it without anger and be honest still with her when she is not under the complete influence which isn't very often. She has had sober time and she has gone for help before...she does know no need to treat her as if she isn't aware. You can ask the front desk if there are AA meetings there also. Do not make this a hostage situation with you being the hostage you're her daughter not her therapist or counselor or sponsor or doctor...be the powerless daughter...You are powerless over alcohol and your life is now unmanageable. Pray for the courage to separate yourself from the problem and go have as much of a good time as you can manage. If it comes out like how it did for me there won't alot of serene time and there will be more than if you tried fighting it. And they say don't drink the water in Mexico...If she drinks the booze she gets drunk...if she drinks the water she gets sick...Oh Boy!! Keep hooked up with us cause you're not alone (((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know if this will help, but it may give you a break.

I did this with my now ex Addict husband. I loved him and whatever he did was his own business. if he used, drank got obnoxious, that was totally on him, not me. I just loved him. I let the disease go on vacation from me, did not allow it to tear me apart, embarrass me or anything.Its as if it was a wart on the end of his nose, i did not allow me to think about it, look at it, figure it out. I was totally out of control of it.

It is totally up to mom what she is going to do or not do. What we can do is look for that person we love. sorta just cloths our eyes and rest. Her going to rehab is totally up to her, her disease is her own. Maybe journaling out your feelings would help, or going out and bringing home some flowers, go to meetings, go feel the sun, smell the air, let it alll go.

ear plugs are good, read. I invite you to think about you, use your senses and feed yourself. sending you hugs, debilyn

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm guessing these 7 days alone with your mom drunk is not going to be the best vacation but you just need to let go of her and go it alone. Hopefully there might be a couple of organized short site seeing trips you can go it alone on. Lot of sun on the beach and relaxing. Reading and shopping.

If mom is sober take advantage of it for nice talks and meals.

I'm sorry your going through this but there is hope...stay strong

(((( hugs ))))

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