The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My parents moved out on Thursday night. It was a huge ugly fight. I gave them a letter a month ago saying that I'd like them to move out by April 7th. They hadn't said a word to me about it or hardly anything else for that matter. I've been feeling like a hostage in my own home. Like I couldn't move or breath. My husband took me and my son with him on a road trip and we returned home on Thursday. It took me about 24 hours after we left home to destress and on the way back when we got within a few hours of home I started gettting really anxious. When we did finally arrive home I was trembling.
We were only home for about two hours before I decided I couldn't take anymore. I asked my mother why she was acting so angry and it got ugly immediately. My dad stepped in, which surprised me cause he never says anything. I guess writing them an 'eviction notice' was the wrong way to handle it. He kept calling it an eviction notice. I guess that's accurate since I did want them to move out. I told him I didn't know how else to tell them and I didn't think it would matter how I said it anyway. I said I was afraid of this exact situation. He told me I was ripping their hearts out. After he started breaking my dishes I told him to stop or I'd call the cops. They left after that and of course I'm the bad guy here.
When my mother first started talking to me about moving in with me she said she would look for work. My dad got a job but she didn't even look for a job. She's been sitting in my house for 5 months drinking everynight. About 6 weeks ago she asked me if I was in her shoes would I get a job (she's missing a couple teeth) I said yes I would and that made her angry. Then she accused me of harassing her.
I guess I don't know what all this means or if its important at all. I have always felt like I should be taking care of them somehow. I have had a full time job all of my adult life. I guess I resented the fact that my mother wouldn't even look for a job and comes up with excuses as to why her life is the way it is and its never her fault. This time its my fault.
I don't know where they're going to live and I'm not sure that I want to know. At this point I don't care if they go to a homeless shelter. I realize that is a really messed up thing for me to say. I'm just so over it. They are in their 50s for the love of God. They are going to start having to take responsibilty for whats happened in their lives at some point...right?
When we were growing up my mother always made sure that we knew it was because of us that she wasn't living the life she wanted. We are all grown now and its still our fault? Not anymore, not this child. I feel like she lied to me about getting a job or maybe she lied to herself. I don't know. I'm scared what the future is going to be with them. I guess this is one of those 'one day at a time' situations. She told me if I wanted to keep a relationship with them that I should just 'leave it alone'. I am passed the point of no return now. I can't leave it alone. I feel like we need to talk through these things before there can be a relationship. I know that's not possible with them though. They don't fight fair.
What you have done is seriously very difficult. It's hard to do these things that we need to do.
Sending you love and support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
((((Stargazerlily))))...put this thought in your mind and keep it there unil your spirit starts to relax..."I've done the best I could with what I have". It's a truth statement. The truth sets us free. If you could have done better you would have. Moms and Dads get to grow up too...keep allowing them to do that. I know the drill with parents. It was never as easy as it was hard and I did the very best I could with what I had and separated myself from them...for my won peace of mind and serenity. Hook up vertically with your HP and stay hooked up. Keep coming back here also...you are not alone.
I feel for you going through this with your parents. Like Jerry said...you have done your best with what you had at the time. Now it's time to Let go and Let God take over. Nothing more needs to be said. They will understand hopefully someday but to keep explaining and fighting over it doesn't work. I know.
Yes they are your parents but even parents need tough love. So just to say I love you mom and day and I know you both can work this out.
Take care of you (((( stargazerlily )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Yah know...alcoholic rationalization never ceases to amaze me.
So, you have provided them a place to stay for 5 mos...and instead of expressing gratitude, they are ticked off that the gravy train is ending....when you told them all along this was temporary.
What's the line? the definition of enabling is doing stuff for people that they can do for themselves...
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.
This is a hard, awful time for you. This disease rips families apart, but you must protect your own from it as much as possible, and get your life back. We SO get it.
Hi StargazerLily, wow, your post makes me very sad. I am so sorry you are in that situation. And I'm sorry I don't have any advice because I'm lost in this mess of addiction-land. I am so glad you found the strength to ask your parents to leave, and I am glad they left. You deserve some peace in your life. None of this is your fault. Hang in there, sending you hugs.
I cannot think of anything more maddening than having to put up with that from your own parents. I stated in another thread how that is such a connundrum when it is your parent that is the one who has the sickness becuase they are the one that raised you supposedly know right from wrong so instinctively you are wired to listen in many ways. When the alcoholic parent progresses into insanity, that is like the ultimate mind screw cuz we think we should listen to, respect, and do whatever our parents tell us....but then have to learn this is not the case.
I really feel for you. My partner's father is an alcoholic and I've seen hiim have to detach and it's painful. I've seen him get screaming insane calls from his father about some BS that doesn't make sense. I have seen him go over a whole year without talking to his dad. That does make me sad.
Sending you love and prayers, I know this must be hard, I know how hard it was for me to refuse to let my adult grandson move in with me the 2nd time around. Alcoholics/addicts have no shame in their game.
Gettingitright!!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
Thank you for the words. I feel so guilty. And angry. "I did the best I could with what I have." I know that's true. I'm having a hard time feeling that way. I will use it as my mantra today.
